Saturday, 19 January 2008

Aunty Politics

All 2 (yeah..eat your heart out - TWO!) of Aunty's readers asked Aunty.

"Aunty ah? How come you like got split personality like that? I see yr blog comments here, there, everywhere. Politics - got blog, cooking - got blog, people's personal website - also you got blog. So many things to say meh?"

So to defend my gender - as a FEMALE; I strongly believe we are entitled to be - as deemed ok by Wise Universal Being (s) - FICKLE.

That one genetic code put inside is what makes us BEAUTIFUL so I can just blog what I like and be fickle all the brody time.

Yes. SO I admit it now.

Your Aunty got blog mainly just to KPC peeples busyness. But I assure you everytime you read my comments, they are 100% very valuable take on life, politics, recipes. So TAKE NOTE hoh?

Now. My absolutely, by far the absoluteness favourite subject is:
corrupt politicians.


This subject is guaranteed to make Aunty soo..SO ANGRY that ... can suddenly (like miracle like that) make your Auntyness here write in proper grammar and not mal-ish, or chinglish or aunty-lish.

(Last 2 languages mentioned are exclusively reserved for when Aunty is feeling generous, good, airy, fairy, arty & farty).

And don't ask me why we have so many corrupt politicians this is just like this in Malaysia.

Maybe - just like our soil so rich, throw down papaya seed, got papaya in 3 months, throw down watermelon seed, got watermelon in 4 months

This is the same with corrupt politicians in Malaysia. Throw down 1 today, got 10 tomorrow. OK serious SERIOUS now!

I think politicians can do better if they only do this simple exercise before going to work in the morning everyday.


They should look in the mirror & ask themselves these questions:
"Do I want my backside to be burgered the way I intend to burger someone today?"
"Would I allow a fella like myself date my sister or daughter today?"
"Can I go to mosque or church or temple with a clear conscience?"

"If I were a judge and have to try someone at court, what would I do to a fella who does the stuff I do?"

The answers should be "No", "No" "Yes" and "Die Scumbag!"

Aiyoh! You guess like dat ah? Must be kwai-lo or wat? A true Malaysian will never answer the way you do, especially not the corrupt politicians.

This is why and how we can teach other countries "The Art of Open Burgering of Your Country". Maybe this is why our great leader was invited to speak at Davos to top leaders and movers of the world?.

From the looks of things now in Malaysia, Malaysia semus BOLEH except talk criticize the govt, protest, blog or even think bad thoughts about the bs justice system.

So I ask you "is Malaysia boleh or what?"

Thursday, 17 January 2008

Aunty's secret tips for loving

Aunty today gives you good tip on how to keep your man happy boy.

Do not argue with me. I KNOW THIS trick sure work one.

Don't think I bluff. You can ask Aunty's friends if Uncle has even looked at other sources of less healthy entertainment from China or Vietnam all these years. Your Aunty do this every night so she KNOWS.

Picture this & you follow.

Always ALWAYS greet your man in a little dress (chiffon ok) under which you wear those panties got the holes cut out from the middle of the important parts.

Some got the hearts cut out, some got micky mouse ears, ALL got the bright bright sequins. Aunty also got see the ones with the chicken feathers stuck on.

Make sure make up also on, & wear 7 inches stilletto heels plse.

Now practise this.

While holding a glass of his favourite brew in your manicured hands, & scented jasmine in your long hair (get hair extention also can), purr sounds of love into his ears.

Next, lick & nibble his ears - do not laugh. See? This is why IMPORTANT IMPORTANT - you must practise. Use dog to practise. They like the lick2 nibble2 also.

Now while your man is distracted, lead him to dinner table. Slowllyyy, now put morsels into his mouth. You can give him keropok, satay or your leftover lunch. At this point, it does not matter anymore what he eats.

Next, smear his mouth with satay sauce* & you lick it off - not like quick quick like that; like cat like that....sllll......uuuurrrrpppp!

(got it?)

*Aunty got see the "9 1/2 weeks" movie also you know? (myself not living in the taman negara). So I know the kwailos they like chocolate sauce or whipped cream. But Aunty here thinks that one overrated, expensive and fattening. Somemore satay not taste so good with chocolate.

You say you all got the MIL, Matta, Fatta, kids at home? NO PROBLEMO.

You & Uncle eat in your bedroom ALONE, or you not shy shy type? GOOD. You can do this in front of family. Kids can learn something useful.

So now you see this one the secret tip why your Uncle no go out play play. (Also big help Uncle scared little bro no life long live). Got my drift?

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Maznah & I

I have read alot, & have experienced alot more about the issue of race segregation in Malaysia and that is when I started thinking about Maznah.

Maznah & I, for a few years in our lives, were the best of friends. She was the coolest, nicest looking gal in my class, the most creative and yet the most sassy. She never lost any femininity in being strongly independent, and she was independent!

Now some would equate female independence with the lack of keeping with their religious faith, but I assure you, Maznah is a good Muslim without being judgemental.

It would seem that in my days, religion was far, far less of an issue, and we accepted and welcomed the diversity in every Malaysian.

On eating together. I can't remember a time she or her parents kicked up any fuss about the hallal-ness of anything, even when we ate at my house. You trusted friends, and friends will always do right by you.

After school, we went away from each other's orbs because we could not stay in the same educational system anymore (THANK YOU Malaysia for making this happen)


YEARS later, I bumped into Maznah at a school reunion (of sorts) and we exchanged numbers to meet up again.

I couldn't wait. The same week I went to visit Maznah at the place she worked.

Outwardly my Maznah was still the same; chatty, friendly & nice looking. She still didn't look a day over 20& it was hard to tell she had teenage kids.

The 1st thing Maznah did was to tell me she is "married" as someone's #2 bini. Call me stupid, call me naive but I haven't been around too much in Malaysia & I just didn't get it. The look in her eyes tells me she was somehow expecting me to judge or condemn her.

How Maznah looked at me tells me what the insidious segregation of races by our Government has done to us.

She, who knew me so well could think that I would disapprove of her life choices. Maznah. We may be older but we don't change who we are..unless aliens have really taken over our bodies.

I do know, and I still think, Maznah deserves far better. However society, religion & unfortunately, the man she loves - & this is MY opinion - has let her down. I DO think that. Yeah..so shoot me.

I can't CAN"T picture myself sharing my spouse. Just picturing my spouse lying with another woman is bad enough.

Put it this way. Can any man out there tell me he can picture his spouse lying with another and find THAT ok?

I don't get this.

While HE can love many, SHE on the other hand is allowed 1? How can any religion be so sexist? Can anyone plse tell me?

These are some of the things I just DON'T understand about Islamism.
1. Women are inferior (by implication, they must then obey their men as they have weak heads & weak minds to make sane decisions on their own)

2. If a woman is raped, this is because she allowed herself to be in the company of other men not of her family, and/or she tempted him to rape her.

3. Infidels: You will burn in hell & since that is the case, let me send you to hell (since yr life's worth diddly shit). At least in helping you get to hell, I get to Heaven.

4. The words of Infidels and Women are on the same level as dung in the fields. You can't believe them but you can trust everything the Faithful says.
(the word "faithful" here is tricky. So long as you are "perceived" to have faith, you are trusted to be doing the right thing, no matter how wrong it actually is)

Maznah. If you are reading this, just know you really REALLY are not the chattel of anyone. You should be the only gem in anyone's life. Don't let anyone tell you differently!

Monday, 14 January 2008

chua soi lek got 4 cameras but aunty here...

Ya..see how I put that magic name in then got the humsap ppl lookit my blog (cache it) when they try to google/yahoo for downloads of the CSL affair?

I also wonder how ppl so clever can know where to put in mini cameras all around...here I am still trying to figure out how to download images onto my blog!

BUT Aunty here not as unsavvy as you think.

Aunty here got the secret "no cameras needed" device to track youse all logging in to my site. Clever gal!

How I know that if you searched for the magic CSL name got ppl checking out leh?

If I have to spell that out you all need IQ of > than 2 - & Aunty here the IQ = 5 so I know you know.

Yesterday I spammed many of my friends (no shame lah) to tell them to come visit my invaluable blog.

Then got people (my family to top it off) tell your Aunty here - streamyx down, dial up no good, can not read yr blog.

I give you all the chance to read my blog so you will gain many valuable advice for eg. on
- Pests Control,
- Dog training,
- Spouse breaking in and training,
- Sourcing for good sons- and daughters-in-laws,
- How to throw MILs and FILs out of a train and make it look like they jumped out of own free will
- my secret microwave cake recipes

So you get the drift of what you will miss if you are not logging in.

Mainly this blog will help me practise my sitdown comic skills - which is very very different and difficult than the stand up type.

Involve many things to do together at ONE time, (that word is multi-tasking I think - skill not suited to men) like can watch tv, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, order dogs and still TYPE very very big words down.

You should all try this.

I will support you & tell you secret of how to monitor visitors to your blogs without 1 (let alone 4) cameras.

Meanwhile - you all enjoy all my free advice while you still can because come the time when Aunty become worldwide famous in KL, Aunty will charge you with subscription rates

Sunday, 13 January 2008

3rd party peoples plse to read this

Solly all. Got research to write No-bell peace article on "3rd party".

This topic more complex than SSs.

#1 wives - you all boring lah...no need do research. I just put mirror to my face; viola! can write on wife #1 stuff already.

Let me start to tell you I got 1st hand experience meeting 3rd parties; some are friends and other NOT friends

I told friends who are 3rd parties. This piece Aunty write from female perspective, aunty being aunty and all that.

So Aunty start, you follow ok?

I say, "Where got so smart gal like you, got looks, got success, got blingblingblings, got life - go to be with married men?

The #1 thing you got to know abt 3rd parties are: They HATE you when you tell them exactly what they know is wrong with them.

#2 thing is: 3rd parties are smart people! THEY KNOW EVERYTHING awreddy !!

OK here Aunty got to praise 3rd party gals and boys. Aunty have never come across a stupid 3rd party. Even the chinadoll/taiwan gals, they the smartest cookies ever!

But why you continue leh in this no-hope relationship?

All tell me: companionship, he luplup LUP me but can't leave marriage because got kids, got wife wanna hang herself after killing kids, etc.

Actually more like the dead man head afraid his little bru gets chopped off in his sleep.

I have yet to hear of >than 5 stories IN THE WORLD amongst all the philandering SSs (straying spouses lah!) where got spouse jump off bridge.

Also you know his/her spouse really the boring, nagging, suicidal killer type meh? You got go ask this person face-to-face ah?

I tell you the truth why #1 spouse don't leave partners. When and if they find out - they don't divorce, JUST TO SPITE YOU!

MANY MANY SSs will not divorce their spouse of their own accord.

This means SS not sure s/he will leave his home for the unknown.

So what does this mean for 3rd parties? Yes..this probably means:
- you are fling

- you are good for his ego (you only listen to his stories 2times, wife already heard same story 1000times lah!)

- You give "free" sex (don't be stupid hor? Make sure you get that Cartier ring/Bulgari watch while you still can. If you more cleverer get that condo too!!!)

- You make nice double boil soup

- You no trouble for lover, (meet odd hours/days, eat out at dark dark places also can, holiday in Trengannu no problem - unless you are Muslim)

- You are (sincerely) a good catch even for single people

- The romance still strong strong (you should see how he lets rip farts in front of legal spouse but he nice nice got go toilet while with you) and

- Wawawoom!!! the GREAT SEX!
Lucky this not PG rated site but where you think s/he learn all those tricks ah? From books ah? FANTASY only meh? Sure got practise many many times with spouse what!

Now got to tell you Aunty here got success before to get rid of 3rd parties.

This one because like Tiger Balm family, Aunty here got 3 generations of tradition handed down from Hakka grandma (who once know of 3rd party go with all daughters, daughters-in-law to sapu with the broom the hideout of 3rd party)

HONEST LAH! My eyes got see myself. This is why my husband very respect my tradition.

But since I got the many education, Aunty here only got do the "cool" thing. Aunty go sniff out lover's home, office, then Aunty got go to talk to the #3 person nice nice.

Like this:

You are screwing xxxx, (husband/wife) of my xxx. DO NOT DENY THIS! OK. very simple.

I know you live where, work where, go gym where. You no terminate the relationship, I go make lots of noise yr office, yr home, yr gym.

Got embarass you. You can call police but police only attract more attention.

Some more police will not arrest me because I no got slap yr face and injure you. (Aunty here got check the law first)

I also got make sure your life no walk in Taman Duta.

I will follow you to public places, then say LOUD LOUD, "this one no shame lah..sleeping with married man/woman"

That one PROVEN tactic. Sure great success provided your face got as garang as mine, that sorta "don't cross me cause you will have free plastic surgery if you do" type.

1 day Aunty post her photo - you will agree.

That is all for my well researched piece. Now you all got any trouble, you make sure you post to Aunty here to solve yr problems.


Last one. I got know 1 "great success" 3rd party story.

This one Aunty's friend.

Beautiful gal (x1000), only work on married men.

30yrs in "business" (she also got glam glam job), now got nig-time properties Hong Kong & KL, got mink coats, got Cartier/ Bulgari/ Chopard diamonds, got BMW ..but no got husband.

WHY?

You know, I know, unforutnately also many other people know she the good time gal what.

She told me once when we were spring chickens
"why you so..ooo stupid? You luv, luv, sleep free? I no luv luv, sleep got people give me birdsnest gargle mouth lah"

Today, she more Aunty than me..Don't know to be sad or happy for her

What you all think ah?

Friday, 11 January 2008

Exterminating vermins

yeah..where I am, read in papers they are discovering cases of bubonic plague about 45kms from us.

This freaks me out. I am the type every flea, mite, sand fly, mosquito wants a taste of. I have not been to 1 country (& I have been to many places) where my souvenir of the place includes a bite or 10.

My hubby loves me. His own anti-bite antidote on hand. Aiyoh. I am not pa-pai (fussy), I can show you more scars from bites than any soldier from the foreigh legion. I get the Victoria Cross for bites.

This is why, I have on my person at ANY 1 time, a bottle of lemon grass oils, anti-mossie spray, tiger balm and cortisone creams (depending on the severity as I get infected easily) and 2 bracelets soaked in whatever fr Ozland to ward off even more bites.

People only need 1 bracelet to ward off mossies? I need 4. Yeah. count 'em. FOUR! 2 on the wrist, 2 on the ankles. What a life I have!

PLUS I am borderline obsessive about cleanliness & TOTALLY paranoid about diseases (but not necessarily about my smoking - what a contradiction in life I am!) - so, today saw my campaign on destroying vermins.

Once I have alerted the house staff on this matter (ya hor. Like hotel like dat..got morning staff meeting :D ) we got cracking.

Fenced out the back yard from my 2 curious dogs, bought rat poison, blocked up openings to the many drains, clean area, sprinkle poison..sit back & wait.

Waxed all the wooden floors with anti-flea wax, lit up lemon grass oils - so now place SQUEAKY clean..ALMOST vermin free..yeah..right!

No NO. Didn't do it myself lah...just supervising lor! This is a perk for living in "hardship postings" ie the affordability (& neccesity) of having help for everything.

SIGH! I only wish it was as simple as that in as far as cleaning up politics in Malaysia, Africa, USA, China, Romania...you get the drift?

Monday, 7 January 2008

BOMBARDED by SSs & 3rd parties

WAH WAH WAH!!!

See how stupid I am. I thought this is secret blog..very few people know only mah? And then!!

KABOOM!! Where got like dat suddenly get more than 5 emails (not postings ok?) to me leh? Shows you ppl smarter than me to email ppl lor!

Dunno who but 1 asked me not to be Miss knowitall when I knownothingatall...and who am I to stick my nose into...HIS private affairs!!

HELLOOOO...You are WHO ah?? Aunty dunno you..you mean you like dat also meh?

2 are 3rd parties. Got ask me what to do lah...true love can not leave that "dead man's head"

Other 2 also got ask me "my husband got like dat..wat to do?"

Myself not qualified psychologist lah! Not even got read "psychology today", & barely made it past Psy 101

But being AUNTY to the power of 100, I sure got the opinion for EVERYONE. Simple.

To all of you: "Leave yr partners"
Why?
1. Miss 3rd party: he is a fink and scoundrel.Where got love you if he cannot do the right thing by you? AND really lah. Someone who will cheat on his family, you sure he will not cheat on you? Life is a pattern.

Got 1 of you so funny ask me what to do with sexy underwears you wear for him. You think sexy underwears more important than your self respect? Duhhh..!!!

2. SSs - you answer my blog questions then i got speak to you

3. Mrs Suffering - YOU decide. You know he is fooling around and you have decided NOT to issue ultimatum ("it's her or me" and "NEVER again!"). Why you say it is money? What you got handicap meh? Can not find work? Just harder more difficult but you will not starve if you put yr mind to it.

If you cannot do that, continue in your misery because ONLY you got know what to do, not an unqualified psychologist without a goldfish bowl like me.

Now you all wait to read my installation on the 3rd party ok?

Sunday, 6 January 2008

Agony Goblok on Straying spouses

This topic is very much on my mind because it would seem like there are more straying spouses out there than there are sands on the beach.

Let's admit it, by the time you reach my age (let's not go there shall we?), you would have had either a first hand encounter, or a first listener encounter with this subject matter.

From friends and acquintances, I know of 4 seemingfly solid marriages (with > than 30 years of bliss) which have gone poof.

Then there are > than 10 cases of SSs whose marriages I know of (ranging from 6 to 20 years), where the couple is still together but I would not be surprised if half will go under.

The real problem with affairs is someone always gets hurt.

And even when the wounds are gone, the scars remain.

So with the support of all the "wronged" partners, I am posing here some serious questions I want to pose to all straying spouses ("SS") out there.

To all you SS, and SS wannabes plse take note.

These questions and the thoughts attached to them will serve you well one day when you are "confounded" (confused when found out)

Here goes:

Burning Question #1
You have such a "good" friend - so how come she/he is a secret?

SSs are gonna say
"I cannot even mention I have a good friend of the opposite (same) sex because my partner is the suspicious type & he/she is very jealous".

Valid answer but...you gotta ask yourself why your partner is suspicious of your behaviour in the 1st place.

And how come you have NO problem inviting all your other good friends over but this time, this particular good friend, you can't/don't even mention their name at the dinner table?

Burning Question #2.
"Aiyah..why you go deny angry angry aggro aggro like dat?"

ATTACK IS THE BEST FORM OF DEFENCE. Wah!! Which military academy did you graduate from ah?

While it is true, in most cases, there is "no" proof you did the deed, but please respect your partner's intelligence, and forget all the denying.

Somehow or other, suaysuay, your partner ALWAYS "knows".

And really, what gets me is this

Don't tell me you picked a mentally challenged person ON purpose to be your partner, and to father/mother your kids?

If you really did, what does that say about YOU? Either you are a bleeding heart or bleeding mentally challenged yourself!

So please ah?

Respect your partner's intelligence and don't think that by going on the aggressive to deny, deny, deny that they would somehow believe yr BS.

Burning Question #3
"Why try to justify your screwing around by saying nice things about the other party?"

Sometimes SSs' brains are so fried (or screwed) they think by justifying their infidelity with inane statements their actions are totally justified(?)

"She/he is a good friend"
what? you surely ain't gonna screw yr enemy or say that GF is a hooker, right?

What you are saying is "I did not pay this person to have sex with me, ergo she/he is good, clean and decent"

"She/he is a good person"
No darling, I f**ked a horrible evil person?

"She/he has so many problems"
achah! And you are not adding to it are you? Or you are just penalizing your partner for NOT having problems?

And ofcourse the award winning justification "She/he came on to me"
THAT justification I truly get.

Same goes for me. Put it on record here plse.

I surely won't say no if Brad Pitt were to dance naked in front of me, plus kiss me passionately, and pull me into bed.

Is this what happened?

Ofcourse the ONLY justification SSs can truly give is this:

"Our relationship is stale. I want excitement, I want my ego fed, I want endless sex without commitment and I am not sure this affair will last because if it does, THEN I will/may be forced, to do something about my life. For now, I don't want to leave my family or the comforts of my home & castle"

What SSs don't realize is this.

When you are an SS, you are already a skunk, a coward and a liar.

No use hiding or pretendng. And don't let the kids hear you. You are not teaching them any values in life.

That would be how you will be viewed, by your partner and eventually by your kids (when they are old enough and are one day in a committed relationship themselves)

And the truth is: Nobody needs to be an SS.

We should be brave enough to acknowledge that the current relationship does not work and no longer gives us what we want.

Life is too short to live a lie, and make lies out of other people's lives.

Surprisingly, I would think there are far less recriminations & bitterness from an amicable parting - no matter how frightening or how painful the consequences are, (not to mention the financial settlements).

And finally to all my emotionally battered friends and partners of SSs out there..please STOP blaming yourself and thinking you brought this on yourself.

You did not. If you can not live without an SS, and the SS truly, deeply and genuinely wants to reform, then the only thing is BOTH of you MUST work on your relationship.

Now my next piece will be on the "other party" because I know many who are in this unfortunate situation too!

Saturday, 5 January 2008

The whole problem with "no longer working" is...

Ya... so many people I know are in that age group, or nearing that age group where...

NO longer working means:

- No more fixed schedules, meetings and business trips

- No more power, and minions to mentor, disburse advice to & just plain order around

- No more income except for whatever "f"s you have in yr pension

- No more "holidays" because now that word has become meaningless

- No more bitching about yr work, the company, the boss, the industry etc..

Basically..no more "meaningful" existence..more like waiting to die like that.

MANY I know (myself being the main culprit) have taken "no longer working" to translating all our still energetic energy to "managing" our home & family.

This means, we now:

- Boss the family around (instead of staff)

- Dispense much un-needed advice to junior members of the family

- Getting glued to the internet or TV (instead of issuing important emails)

SO.
The point is :

How do we continue to get non-job / performance related satisfaction now that our identity is no longer validated by our business card?

yeah...right. As if I knew the answer to that one.

By no means was I the first to be "not working" in my family.

However being a female, I have distinct advantage over males who no longer work.

In fact where I used to have 2 jobs; ie at a regular job from 9 to 8pm workdays, and then 9pm to 11pm weekdays, and another 6hours on weekends at my own home, I now ONLY have 1 job.

This means, MY home is MY domain...so my husband can bugger off to go find his domain to "manage" when his time comes to not work.

Secretly I hope he takes over everything outside of the house
PLUS
- pick up after himself
- take up courses in gardening, roof repairs, painting, plumbing, cleaning and cooking

So sad huh? Other women fantasize about having Brad Pitt in their bed, I fantasize about my husband being a handy man!!

Now...in my realll...lly limited experience of being unemployed, I would "advise" (didn't I say unsolicited advice is a corner stone of those no longer working?) TRY TRY TRY to:

1. FIX a schedule for yourself - just like when you used to get up and drive to work and then come home.

The schedule involves getting OUT of your house to do something.

How about..???
1. Volunteer work (reading to old people, blind people, underpriviledged kids)?

2. Starting a new career like guiding, teaching, financial management (boy! do I NEED that one!), real estate,

3. IMPROVING yourself as much as you can...this time you do it to improve your quality of life as versus improving for chances of making a living lah!

Taking up classes like taichi, dancing, repair courses (my personal fav!!),

4. Continue to earn some money so you can prolong diminishing the savings

FRANKLY that is my BIGGEST worry when I stopped working. i.e. From seeing my bank book grow to seeing it diminish to zip!

SCARY SCARY SCARY!!

I truly truly TRULY intend to earn some money; so long as it does not have to entail standing up all day or entertaining kids.

Yeap. Rules out working in a department store, or the kindergarten or day care!

WHAT IS THERE LEFT for me to do?

See? That is my problem with NOT working to start with. It is not having too much time on my hand..it is with STILL wanting to EARN money. Isn't that shallow?

I don't want to earn money to validate my usefulness as a human being, I want to earn money to delay dipping into our retirement funds.

What are my talents? Hmmm...mmm....

hmmmmm....mmmmm....

I really have to think hard about that one, but training sales people HOW to sell may be a real job for me (in the 2nd wind of my career).

This is because I find the quality of sales service in Malaysia - like TOTALLY BAD.

(sorry ah..I have to type that out in caps because the service level is soooo.....bad, it deserves capital letters to underscore and emphasize how I feel)

I just simply can NOT understand how if you can be good at doing something, you would want to be bad at it. Do you see what I mean?

So..err....yes. Sales Training.

Also training maids.

Also training husbands.

But first I will start with my own & let you'all know how that is going.

Friday, 4 January 2008

new year resolutions...sorta,kinda,,wtf!!

So I am back from my KL sojourn just last nite...and I gotta say, the stopover in Mauritius?

OVER RATED because it was so darn darn expensive being high season.

Somemore in this 4-star hotel...found bed bugs (or is it lice? ) on the mattress and sheets - so had to change rooms!! This can ONLY happen to ME!

I gotta say when we were back in KL , I was TOTALLY not connected to the world (read as internet in our home is dial up as we ain't there to justify for the streamyx costs - which btw wouldn't work anyway!)

So Helen...you is right.

Sometimes not being connected means one has more meaningful time to fart around doing ABSOLUTELY f**k all!

Xmas party report!
I (sorta) hosted our Xmas dinner...ok ok...I CATERED!! There you have it!

The worst food ever but didn't I say I was not that organized?? You can imagine a caterer who will take your orders at the 11.99th hour can't be that good NO??

Somemore the bugger delivered our meal at 4pm (3 hours before the event) and to my worries of food poisoning, the reply was "where got? our boss is a famous designer so no problem!"

NOW had I known that we had picked a FAMOUS CLOTHES designer who is also catering..I woulda be moved to cook myself!! (I cannot mention the name of the designer but he is well known in Msia and to a lesser extent in the big apple)

Thank god for Melinda (a family member) who ordered a turkey. We were fed.

I did dirty my own dainty hands though...I bought a lotta canned fruits and nata, frozen cherries and blueberries, than emptied all the suckers into a big bowl and stirred!!
VIOLA VIOLA!!

Fruit cocktail..somemore the frozen cherries and blueberries were like edible icecubes..soooo...delicious!

You lazy lot (like moi) should try that one!

So I spend our hard-earned 2 weeks hols mainly buying pressies, wrapping pressies and eating my way through at least 20 ABCs.

I LOVE ice kacang!! I don't care if I dropped dead...but boyoboy!! At my age, ABCs are as good (if not BETTER) than...whatever yr dirty mind thinks, that's it!

hokay...NEW YEAR resolutions...

I no longer TELL anyone what they are, I just sorta list them out in my mind.

Almost as good as making and keeping them!

Except I do it secretly - so nobody will know when I flunk them!!

For 2008...
I have listed my "resolutions" in order of from "most difficult to achieve" to "easiest to achieve"

I resolve to have my face SHOW like I am kindness itself!
(ok I am shallow...so shoot me! Somehow even when I am being really REALLY kind but just cause I have a dog face - whatever acts of kindness I do does not seem to count at all! Bugger ain't it?)

I resolve to have more meaningless fun (meaning I will walk in the rain without wondering what sorta shit I am picking up with my wet slippers..etc...u know, the Mary Tyler Moore kinda fun? I find the older I get, the harder it is to achieve meaningless fun, know what I mean or not?)

I resolve to be MORE tolerant, MUCH MORE Gracious (note the capital G) and not mouth off the many ungracious thots that's permanently bobbing around my head..that last one is gonna be TOUGH!

I resolve to be more proactive for 2008 xmas dinner and plan better..che..h..this one sure the easiest lah!

Now my family sure got see in this blog I didn't include the BAD things to quit like... NOT smoking, eat fewer cookies, stop buying snacks, not be so anal retentive about cleanliness etc... BUT I am I AM!

CASE IN POINT about showing kindness??

The NEW cream color sofa? I covered that one with a bedsheet so anyone can use it when I am not there.

I mean anyone who has recently showered and washed their hair (the same day pl) or anyone who has washed their hands, and feet & wiped their necks BEFORE they touched my beautiful cream sofa.

KINDNESS itself, n'cest pas?

Now..if you will all excuse me..I am practising the kind face thingy and the meaningless fun thingy..translate that as I am gonna watch TV lor!!