Friday, 22 February 2008

I want an Emperor for Malaysia!

Heck who is reading this except me & possibly some who loves me does it matter?

I will say what I want so ISA me lor!

I would put it on record that I think Abdullah Badawi is only just another "accidental" leader of the world; annointed & appointed by 1 ie Mahathir and as things have panned out, the good doctor has been played out by the 1 dummy he thought he could manipulate

Do I hear "Puppet on a String" coming on? NOT!

The only people using RACE and May 13 to polarize the races and everyone is taataahhh....UMNO/BN! Think about it. Who else have used such "veiled" threats?

The implication & insinuation is there and it is a strong Mother.

"IF something happens, you only have yourself to blame for voting the wrong party in"

That threat alone would make me vote elsewhere..even for the stray cat plaguing my house.

Other than corruption and nepotism galore, why should we not vote BN?

You see, I am a weird person. I rather admire those who can cheat intelligently because at least it shows they have some respect for the intelligence of their victims.

In Malaysia the corruption and cheating is so open, rampant and absolutely in your face. It's just hard to ignore especially when it seems like "YES I am f**king you where the sun don't shine, and I'm not even hiding what you gonna do?"

And then just to rub salt in the wound, they have Nepotism to ensure the empire and dynasty RULES for endless buggering of the people and nation.

Which is why I think we should just declare someone "Emperor" (can't be "King" since we already have 1 and there are like 9 others waiting to occupy that place every few years).

If the fate of the elections (foregone conclusion so let's not be surprised when the time comes) are already known, and there are only:

The Badawi Clan
The Mahathir Clan
The Tun Razak Clan
The Jaafar Onn Clan

Why don't we just let these 4 clans go to poll and we pick 1 from them to be Emperor?

No more angst
No more jostling and showing off the size of their manhood and lentil sized brains
Fait Accompli.Viola ! EMPEROR.

Maybe that way at least we won't get so much bullshit in our faces.

The way the country's being run (to the grounds), with all those little Napoleons, kingmakers and kingf**kers, Mafia Bosses (official and unofficial), inept & incompetent judges and a joke for a judicial system
- how worst off can we be if we became a Kingdom?

At least that way they may justify spending our money more judiciously ie in building a palace, commissioning crown jewellery etc.

LONG LIVE EMPEROR (fill in the blank yourself) !!

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Dog House

For over a year my 2 doggy-ness have been living in cardboard carton boxes; 1 for each.

Being 5kgs, they fit fine into these cartons - so long as their blanket wrapped pillow are inside. (yes..we are "avid collectors" of airline blankets - so bite me!)

I started them with real baskets - which they tore apart in no time . Anyhow to them, the word "basket" still means "home" so doesn't matter what we give them, so long as I say "basket" they will go to where their pillows are.

Yesterday in a fit of DIYness & huge guilt generated by days of strong winds, I had someone buy the planks according to my drawing. Said planks were then nailed together and painted over - for a more permanent shelter for their doggieness.

I must say I got them their new house more to assuage my guilt than to make them happy. The dang strong winds had me scared *****.

I did not sleep well and during the night kept checking on the little pesks outside. Ofcourse the suckers were safe & dry. They are housed in their boxes inside the sheltered car porch but mummy will be mummy.

"MY DOGS WILL NOT BE IN THE HOUSE" is my motto - but let's see how long that resolve will stay.

What started as a simple project has sorta gone OTT (over the top) - as usual - with all my projects. Now the finished product is painted inside and outside and it looks so a human that is.

And the point is? The Suckers have rejected my loving gesture and will not enter this new "basket". They remind me of some kids who will rather go naked than wear what Mum buys.

Well. I have a solution for my ungrateful kids.

Anyone for a dog stew?

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

How come the poorer one is, the more one gets ...

No need to complete the heading, you get the drift.

In the country I am residing now, a vicious cyclone has just passed, (and ofcourse) hitting the poorest worst part of the country with all the ferocity of a million women scorned.

Last night I experienced only the tail end of it, and GOLLY GEE!!! I was whipped with fear for the elements. My normally brave dogs decided that it was time to pack in the brave act and head for Mummy's roof.

I couldn't decide to shiver under the blankets or run for the mountains. Come to think of it, Uncle slept without any problems. But then he's right. There is nothing one can do when the shits flying.

Today I woke up to the cold, and the rains, and the worst I fear did come to pass.

The really poor got f**ked royally. They may only have 4 teeshirts, 2 pots, & 4 spoons and that's all they own but for now, they have nothing left, and everyone is trying to huddle under a tree to keep from the rains and scrouge for food.

What am I doing? If I told you I tried many times to get hold of charities who will be able to make it to these places, you would say "surely it can't be so difficult to make donations?" Think again.

The worst the disaster, the less prepared people are. Don't ask me why. The cyclone season happens every year and someone is always affected and usually the same area, the same people. But nobody is ever prepared.

So if you will excuse me now, I will try to head out to the Catholic Relief Centre - even if I am no Catholic and not much of any religion - to see if they will take my money or donations.

Monday, 18 February 2008

sad story of a great love story..

Wah! This story gotta be told to be believed.

Aunty hear with own "Pu Leow Ching" (you mean you have never watched Lin Dai in "never ending love"? Your life very pathetic lah!).

Everything very sad, VERY romantic except here the heroine no got to die.

I shall call my friend "Pearly".

Now Pearly is 1 of these superwoman type; much like Aunty; except got better hair, face, body, skin, homes in 3 major capitals, personality, career, husband, family, speaks 5 languages etc.

DANG! Even her dogs got stylo mylo names - very french until can not pronounce.

Perfecto no?

In a moment of depression, she came over to see me, and over a coffee, just spilled the beans like that.

My mouth open OPEN OPEN big BIG. Don't ask Aunty why she told me..maybe my face got hang dog look?

But the story goes macam ini..

Pearly is not happily married. Nobody can tell looking at her fairytale existence. In fact Pearly admits, she has had a lover for as long as her 20 yrs.

(At this point, Aunty already buggy buggy eyed)

I know her husband. Jeremy is the lovey dovey, warm, friendly, RICH, handsome, devoted type. He is the only husband we know who stands up when a lady leaves or returns to the table and draws the chair in/out for the lady. AWWW......

And then Pearly describe Tony the lover.

Older than Jeremy, successful but less so than Jeremy, not as handsome as Jeremy, married, etc.. To cut to the chase, Aunty saw the photo of Tony & HIS family (his gift to Pearly - can you imagine his gall?) & nearly pengsan-ded (fainted lah!).

To compare the lover with her husband is like comparing my street dogs with with her superb pedigree show dogs. To compare his wife with Pearly is like comparing me to Pearly.

So why why WHY? Ofcourse she dunno. For such a smart, highly successful person she sure is dumb.

And here I say something which no man on hearing, should use as excuse with which to control their wives' purse.

BUT for all these years, Pearly have been using her (she also worked so means her money not just Jeremy's) unlimited open cheque book to fly to meet her lover for trysts.

Sometimes she would even pay for the luxury hotels.

Is Tony cheap or WHAT?

I thought so immediately but she never thought so for all these years. She only thought she was being "independent".

Listen to this.

Tony would only meet Pearly on his biz trips to the East so the company paid for his air travel, hotels, meals, expenses.

But that is not the "Pu Leow Ching" part.

Pearly met Tony in a "love at first glance" situation. She laid eyes on a SHAPE resting on a tree at a beach in Kuantan, and she KNEW this was the love of her life.

(Please don't ask me what type of magic mushroom she had been eating because whatever they were, they should be made extinct!).

Pearly hooked up with Tony and they stayed hooked up for the rest of that trip and more. Or so Pearly thought.

Loooo...oong after that, Miss P learnt the truth. It seemed 3 months after Tony & Pearly met, Tony's longtime girlfriend got pregnant, and 10 months later they married.

Now although Pearly knew he had a girlfriend when they met but she thought since they were madly in love, she would be the obvious choice. kidding.

Pearly would even be the Pope's obvious choice.

Being "honorable" on finding this out, P did break off with Tony (and THAT should have been the first clue as to the man he was, because Tony only had the guts to tell her this news a few months after his marriage!)

Life moved on, Pearly met Jeremy and married him. Not the love of her life but then what did it matter anymore who she married. (stupid hor? Jeremy is worth being the love of anyone's life in my books!)

They even moved to Paris and USA, and even then...the dastardly Tony caught up with Pearly. HOWZAT? It happened because you couldn't lose track of Pearly as she was a newsmaker in the corporate world. (Didn't I mention "Smart Women, Stupid Choices?")

Fast forward 2 years ago Pearly's assignation with Tony made her see the light. This time they were both so brave they met in his city...ok hidden in another romantic hotel.

Now Tony updates Pearly & told her that for 3 years, he & his wife had no longer shared a bed, they no longer loved each other, and their daughter's all grown up.
Yes Pearly was a little taken aback since they have always communicated and she had no idea this was happening.

So P put T to the test. "I will leave Jeremy for you". Ok...lovey lovey ok.

4 months later email from Tony to say his wife has an incurable lingering disease, so he obviously being honorable can not leave her. (I think I have heard that line before, in the same vein as "My wife will slit her wrist if I leave her", "the kids are young & I must be responsible" etc.)

But being an honorary blonde, Pearly believed him.

It was not until a few months ago, that on another of their rendezvous, that Pearly asked Tony about how his wife is getting on. Blank look. Hah?

It was her moment of truth. She just can't believe she had been taken in for literally her entire life waiting and hankering for a piece of Turd like this.

Thank the Good Lord, Jeremy was never the wiser because Pearly never let on her great love for someone else.

Sad or not? Pearly was crying bucketfuls when she told me her story for 4 hours. MARATHON crying.

Sigh. For this I thank whatever Gods there be in the Universe who have deemed it wise NOT to have blessed me with looks, great loves nor great wealth and bod.

For this, I also have no great trouble figuring which man I shall love in my life.

Saturday, 16 February 2008

VOTING FEVER; here there & everywhere!

Either it's the air.

Or the fengshui lo all telling politicians must hurry up & get elections over & out by this year.

USA, Pakistan, Zimbabwe, Malaysia, Russia (that 1 sorta "election" for PM - but only got 1 candidate so far!), Lebanon...whatever the farce & foregone conclusions - I am willing to lay down my life that the following candidates will win

1. Pakistan - Musharraf
2. Zimbabwe - Mugabe
3. Russia - Putin
4. Malaysia - Bad-Awi

USA? For sure Democrat; and right now looks like "charismatic" Obama over stodgy Hillary.

Mind you. I support Hillary because she seems like a more sane choice. SOMEHOW.

I couldn't care less if it's the first woman, first black etc. so long as it is the BEST candidate who can perform. Is that so tough?

But somehow in American society, I have noticed this "trend" whether amongst talk show hosts, stars, politicians or religious leaders, that if saliva was wealth, many are already Bill Gates or Buffett. I am being politically incorrect ain't I? OK shoot me lor!

I do understand candidates must convince electors so they must talk talk talk but OVER talking & promising the moon?

That one charismatic meh?

In that case some men I had dated once or twice (from my salad days) should all have turned out to be Leaders of some great nation - but sadly for them, they are now used Proton salesman with no hair and a beer belly.

So is it me or is it Americans? Doesn't anyone but me think that Obama is talking TOO..OOOO much? I watch him for 10minutes and my ears are all wringed out.

So can you blame me if I feel that when people are talking that much - it's mainly to cover their lack of actual experience.

(I bet Oprah ain't gonna invite me to her show anytime soon)

So why then am I NOT supporting Badawi of Malaysia, he of the famous "elegant silence" approach.

How about..
1. His priority does not seem to be running the country but relegating that to his son-in-law while he is seen snoozing at Parliamentary meetings or his own party's meetings

2. The arbitary arresting of all and sundry (marchers, protesters, bloggers) who goes against his "fine" leadership abilities

3. His total lack of economic and fiscal understanding; time & again, he has proven he can't even add

4. His set of "what's good for me ain't allowed for you" and "what if my people are all highly corrupted? Who am I to stop the system? And Babe please understand if Mahathir can make money from his over 20 + yrs and I have maybe 12 good ones, just let me make as much "

MAN! Where is Sanity in this world?

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Happy Valentine & Solly so long no hear hoh?

SOLLY ALL FANS!! Aunty here kept quiet for so long & got the many peeples ask "Why Aunty have you been keeping quiet ?

Just so you know. I was not sick. I was not slacking off. And no..I was most certainly NOT working!! I was just busy being World's Numbah One Aunty. Kay poh here, kaypoh there. VERY busy!

So what Aunty things have I been doing??
Not to scare you but...
#1 - Trying to stream & watch korean soap opera from my so-called broadband (HAHAHA!)
#2. Taking many calls from very important people (tuperware people, amway people, avon people),
#3. Organizing chinese new year dinner for 2, organizing valentine dinner for 2

There you are. You see? You think so easy being Aunty meh?

You all try 1 day and see how you can cope with all the action of being World's Numbah One Aunty before open mouth and talk talk talk ok?

Also busy because Aunty & Uncle got take the holiday to seaside.

That one ah? Haiyoh! You should see how HOT Aunty look in swimsuit! 1 side got stripe, other side 1 color only. Uncle very VERY much appreciate Aunty's economy; buy 1 get 2 swimsuit approach.

Aunty also got "pant pant pant" alot; but not because your dirty mind is hyperactive panting hor? The "aiyoh, aiyoh, HOT HOT, must eat icekacang, damn hot weather" panting hor?

Some of the things I learn as I age are :
- No need to wear sexy sexy anymore. WHATEVER an Aunty wears, ain't nobody got notice you. Hair coming out of armpit, pubic, belly, eyebrows, moustache etc..NOBODY looks at any woman over 50 anymore unless your boobs are hanging out & the Imam is on the next dck chair.

So Ladies >50, save yr $$$$ and don't bother shaving, waxing or putting on makeup anymore.

- If any Aunty wants to drown, my personal advice is to please drown very very softly. I dun know why but when svelte young ladies whisper "ouch ouch" because sand too hot, got 10,000 men rush to carry her to safety.

But when Aunty here genuinely in pain YELLING "HELP HELP HELP" (got big BIG insect bite the buttocks mah), not 1 man turn his head, except your Uncle. He turned his head around to tell me "shuddup" cause I was disturbing his siesta.

So now you ask..why bother even trying anymore to look attractive? That one simple answer. You try to be more attractive so as not to scare your Uncle when he wakes up next to you. You try to be more attractive so as not to make your kids/relatives shy to walk next to you. That is all.

Got Elaine asking me "So what did you do for Valentine hah?"

I tell you what we did.

Same as every year for the past 24 years. NOTHING! And therein lies the best part of being in a partnership. You ain't expect nothin', you ain't get nothin' !!

Happy Valentine to All Uncles and Aunties out there
I know, I know. We ain't so shallow that we need something to validate our love, but it sure would be NICE to be surprised someday!!
Make mine as hot looking as the gardener from Desperate Housewives please!