Friday, 30 May 2008

I am Black..

I am Black...I Steal, I abuse drugs & I am smelly

I am Poor...I am untrustworthy, & I am so Dirty you will not be able to bear me coming near you. I also accept that my life is of no value.

I am Female..I am not worthy to stand next to a man. I Tempt men to distraction by my very existence & I cause men to Rape me

I am illiterate...I Believe everything I am told especially by those in power & I know you are more intelligent and smarter than me because of your education.

I am Handicapped...I deserve this fate as I must have done something terrible in my previous existence

In this world..
Only those with the Wealth & Power can discriminate & Deserve to live longer and healthier than any other person

In the next world..??

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Aunty "Lawan" Questions on Religion (GASP!!)

Something is so wrong with this place's net connections I only got to edit my hurried post today! grrrr!!

Anyway- read on plse!
Now you may not know me well but let’s say I am not someone you would say “dumb cow” to unless your life is way too long for you to bear. But please feel free to call me “cow”.

Not many things get my “cow” but almost at the top of my few “cow list” must be people throwing religious texts at me – left, right, front, back & centre!

Under the pretext (pretense?) they know more about their religion or other religions, than anyone else. I sure don’t appreciate people laying the wrath of God & eternal condemnation at my feet.

This posting is all because I was “notified” in my previous blog by a blogger that a prophet saw more women than men in Hell.

Well. Since I know this “fact” now ie by accidental virtue of being a female, I am a prime candidate for Hell, I may as well just shoot my trap off..’cause it looks like a “f**ked if I do, and f**ked if I don’t” situation.

Just to give you some background to my “Religious Knowledge”, & the 1st thing that comes to mind is “None”. However here goes:

Being the shallow Aunty I am, I like “quick” fixes so I get info from documentaries, the media & even some books or 2.

You know, Nothing too strenuous to tax my oxygen-deprived brain, and who knows? Maybe something I read into the 3rd page can direct me immediately to Nirvana – the fast track.

But my favourite all-time way to learn about Religion is by Observing & Interacting with People of different faiths.

But I DO know this & I am 100 + 10% SURE :-
That the people who originally passed down THE Words of Wisdom and Ways of Living were never illogical nor dropped on the head as babies.

They wouldn’t write dumb-ass stuff & expect people to believe dumb-ass stuff.

But these Prophets can only pass on the Word by mouth, then some other fella writes it down (deduct & add whatever), and then someone else preaches it (more deducting and adding) until the Word as it should be became very watered down, or merely used for Power.

In this day & age, I see no reason why we can not do our own “informing & forming” of opinions and ideas from the Word. Why take other people’s words for it when we can read it ourselves?

It just does not make sense to me that ANY religion would propagate & advocate the subjugation of, denigration or destruction and killing of another gender, race, color or faith.

Now coming back to my Lawan Questions!

Today I only have 2 Lawan questions (in no particular order)

1st lawan question:
You see a woman (not related to you) running down the road NAKED

1st Lawan question:
Would you help her or because she is naked you can't because in following God's Word, it is deemed unholy to touch her?

2nd lawan question
When I stand at the Pearly Gates one day (as we all must), would a loving and merciful God deny me entrance to Heaven because I am of the wrong faith?

But would He, by the same token, let in a man who has done little to be good but because he’s of the "right" faith, he gets in?

So, the question is:
Based on a technicality good people of a different (or no) faith does not get into Heaven?

Aunty now lawan y’all to answer my questions LOGICALLY & SENSIBLY (and don’t go round telling me some BS cause you think I don’t know better than you).
I may be a cow but I am SURE all religions are peaceful, sensible, loving and logical…so answer logically or forever hold your peace, ok?

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Munirah Bahari - Leading Sex Guru of Malaysia

Munirah Bahari is the vice-president of the National Islamic Students Association of Malaysia aka Sex Guru of School Girls in Malaysia.

Now if Munirah is this wise, I am already trembling with anticipation what the President of her association may have to say next.

Back to what Munirah said. Munirah feels that the transparent cotten white blouse (worn under a blue pinafore) by schoolgirls can send out the wrong message "encouraging" rapes & premarital sex.

According to her substantiated research (I am sure she must have researched this before giving a press conference), it would seem that men are attracted to the white blouse .

However, boys will be boys and it is not their fault they get distracted (or is it attracted?) to the transparent white blouse.

It would seem (from Munirah's extensive research), that girls are the ones using this white blouse to lure men.

And ofcourse we all know what that little white blouse leads to, don't we?

YES! You got it!!

Rape, sexual abuse, premarital sex, kids borne out of wedlock and even PROSTITUTION. But let's not blame the men.

THANK YOU MUNIRAH! You have been unfairly slammed by bloggers but to me, you are a HERO and a True GENIUS!

Get rid of them thin white blouses.

Let 'em wear BLACK blouses under a BLACK burka with a headscarf (& we know what the sight of uncovered HAIR can do to the men, don't we?)

Ok. Sorry all but Aunty here just gotta cut this one short. I am rushing out even as we speak. I must buy up all the white blouses I can find.

Yeah. Times are hard and Aunty here needs all the help she can get. Don't cha worry Muni baby, I got it covered. I am wa...yyyy past premarital sex, sexual abuses (or advances), rapes and bearing kids outta wedlock.

So COME ON BOYS..COME ONE OVER!!!!

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Suffer the little Children..

I went to visit the General Hospital Oncology ward for kids and women yesterday in the "big city" of this country. It was a trip which tested my faith (whatever faith that is!)

I knew that in going there, there are only 2 things I need to do.

1 is NOT to cry. If I did, that may be a signal for hopelessness.
2 is I MUST touch the kids and talk to them. Even if they speak another language. (Princess Diana "taught" me that).

Yes. The place was barely clean.
Yes. The place was FULL of virus, bacterias and then Some!
Yes. It smells of everything that assaults the senses.

But I saw parents, grandparents, & sibling staying and living with these kids in the hospital for as long as they need to complete their treatments.

These kids with cancer ranged from 2 years old to 13 years old. There were "only" 12 of them here. All are skinny. Half are listless. All are in pain from the cancer or from the treatment.

3 of them no longer cared to live. No eye contact, just pain, pain, pain. But 1 little boy took my heart.

Yes. I know here I am beginning to make out like I was some f**king hero but the truth is, only 2 of us, foreigners made physical contact with the kids. The other 13 local ladies who went did not do so.

Now this little boy with a terribly big tumour that filled 50% of his mouth (it used to fill 90% of his mouth and covered to as far as his entire neck!) just SMILED & SMILED.

He had the best smile I have ever seen. No need to pay a dentist a million bucks for his smile. And all because of a bag of cheap toy guns which we opened together and started playing with.

Yes. I wouldn't buy a toy gun for a child because it supposedly promotes violence. But what the heck! I don't know how much longer this boy would live (he does have a huge cancerous tumor) & he so..ooooo LOVED his toy.

OK. I didn't think of toys. I thought of honey as sustenance if they couldn't eat. So I took pots of honey and condensed milk.

The families of these kids have come from far and wide, and they have come only because they love this child & because they had HOPE.

Here, they usually have 5 to 10 kids & to come here to the big city, they literally have to abandon eking out a small existence & who knows who is caring for, or looking after feeding their other kids?

Everyday these parents don't work, they don't eat. Fairly straightforward in poor countries like this.

I was wondering why are there only 12 kids here? Many reasons. But the primary one is lack of space, lack of info.

It seems there are many MORE out there (maybe for every kid in hospital now, 100 are not being hospitalized?) who don't know their kid have cancer, who don't care their kid have cancer or who just HOPE God is there to "cure" them.

So excuse me again. Where is God and why does he make little children suffer? What were their sins again?

Thursday, 22 May 2008

Soh-Paw's take on Greatness

The serious so-po bloggers have done very deep analysis of why they think the Big M resigned as numbah one member of umm.m..no.

As usual, I did my popular-opinion, lowest common denominator approach on Big M's gambit ie it is soh-paw analysis time again.

My read is Big M resigned because he was in the mistaken belief his multitude of followers/supporters in the party will also resign en-bloc thus helping to create a new party (AGAIN!!).

Now that we have noted a few days later, there wasn’t many throwing in the towel with him. I coulda told him this but he didn’t ask me.

Only people who wants the absolute brutal, rudeless soh-paw take should ever ask me anything.

So I say Big M is mistaken in his belief is because of his EGO, EGO, EGO

Yeah. It’s the Big M’s last Ego trip.

I think having been Top Dawg for 22 years does that to one. I can’t blame him.

I am sure many umm..no flers had flocked to him and had been telling him things he wanna hear. ..”ONLY YOU can save the country Tun!”

Yeah. In that drift. Who wouldn’t like to hear that?

And to be fair to the ex-Numbah One, he did lots of good stuff. He was a very good Statesman but I wouldn’t say he was a GREAT Statesman.

So, how do I – a mere soh-paw - measure “greatness”?

How about this way?

If the Big M were to ask “Would you lay down your life for your country?”

What's your immediate thought on that request? Quick now!

Well. My immediate thought would be
“Are you asking me to lay down my life for YOU or are you really asking me on behalf of saving the country?.

Yeah. ‘Fraid with Big M’s track record, he does come across like that to me.

Now let’s say, had the late Tunku Abdul Rahman asked the same of me. I don't think I would have doubted his sincerity or integrity to have those other thoughts.

I dunno why. Maybe it’s because from the very little I know of the Tunku, I just knew he was out to do things for Malaysia, and not for himself.

He may be inefficient, he may have made many mistakes but we know where his heart laid.

I mean, if the Tunku was a politician today and he was the leader, wouldn't he be stinking rich?

I mean. Do YOU know of any poor leaders after the Tunku?

But as we all know, the Tunku didn't die rich. Neither are any of his kids and offsprings rich. What does that tell you?

That for an old soh-paw like me is what I call "Greatness".

Sunday, 18 May 2008

soh paw comments

Yeah. So-Po bloggers are those blogging on social - political issues.

These bloggers are, for the most part, people with SUBSTANCE, who knows alot, analyzes what they blog and passionately promotes wisdom, goodness, etc like Raja Petra, Zorro, Maverick, Rocky... Get the drift?

Me however, I much prefer "soh-paw" blogging.

For those of you not canto-speaking, Soh-paw means wanita gila. It also sounds like so-po 'cept you say "paw" so when people ask what sorta blogger I am, I smirf the word and you coulda swear I said "so-po".

Er Huh. Ego thingy I know but I sound so smart when I say that!

I realized some time ago when at events I attend as "spouse of", and people asked me what I did and I say "Housewife", immediately I seem to turn into part of the wall. Eyes glazes over, moves off politely.

At least now when they asks me & I say I blog, they stay another 1 minute and asks what I blog on. The truth is, as you have read, I blog on exactly what I (dis)like but I blog with my heart and my passion.

Otherwise I just roll over and do nada for a long time.

That or the f**king net here is down again. At least in my home.

These days my "obsession" is in grooming TedTed, my coton de Tulear.

He is not big but it takes me anywhere from 1 to 2 hours of dedicated grooming because his coat of fur is actually very fine hairs and it is permanently tangled up. I literally have to take small TURFS of his hair and shred it into hairs again.

You guys should google what a CDT dog looks like. They are cute.

Mine is cute but poor thing, to penalize him for being cute, he is also stupid. He is the only dog I know who can sit still in front of me for 1/2hour - ASLEEP. How can a dog sleep sitting up?

I think if we were in Malaysia, a certain political party would give him honorary lifetime membership plus their leadership. After all Tedted does have a knack for certain skills.

Lady our other dog (& a pseudo coton) takes me 5 minutes to brush. She is real smart & the best watchdog. Nobody is even allowed to stroll past our front door without her warning us of the intruder.

With the way things look in Malaysia, I doubt Lady would get much of anything out of Malaysia, except for a piss on the lawn.

My Ted on the other hand will go places!

Friday, 16 May 2008

It's the face, Darling, It's the FACE!

Just taking a break from my usual “bash the p**s" pieces and decided today - I bash MYSELF.

This is the result of (finally) being courageous enough this morning to face my face in the magnifying mirror. (At this point, we will just give my sagging belly, arse, underarms and tiny boobies a miss, ok?)


What do I see?


Facial Check
Blemishes & uneven skin tone? Check!


Worry lines, frown lines, and no-longer fine lines? Check!


Thick Facial hair on upper lip, lower jaw - DANG! The whole damn face? Check


Sagging Jowls? Check!


Liver Spots? Check!


Turkey neck? Check!


Lifestyle Check now


Smoking? Check!


Drinking? NO NO NO! (about the only “vice” I don’t have but maybe I should trade that for smoking?


Exercise? Walking to car and back? CHECK!


Wear sunprotection when out in sun? AHAHHAAAHHAAA!!! STOPPIT!!


As Melinda and my Mummy (the 2 queens of beauty regimes I know) reminds me
“It’s the face darling, it’s the face!”


“Why can’t you spend some money on grooming?”


“You will be sorry you did nothing for yr face one day” (implying my husband may trade up)


I DO try to do something I will have you know. I even walk up to cosmetics counter and you can hear the beauticians thinking aloud, “WAH! Big, BIG sale coming up!” or “WAH! Pass me the scalpel!”

But the truth is: I get intimidated by young beautiful beauticians - especially when I don’t feel like I should have to dress up just to walk up to a cosmetics counter.

I mean how can I expect a beautiful 23 year old to advise me leh? What do they know about “curing” faces which are 150 years old like mine?

OK. I am also cheap. I find it hard to justify paying, like hundreds & hundreds of ringgit for a cure in a tiny bottle I can fit in the palm of my hand. When I pay that much I want a bottle I can SWIM in!

Ok. Short of trying “La Mer”, I have just about tried every bottle of L’Oreal, Nivea, Vaseline hand lotion, SK 2, Dior, Chanel. Even something very organic & expensive from Ozland.

So now I have decided. Instead of spending another ringgit on another bottle of cure, I will do the radical. I will spend gazillions more so I can look more Kate Hudson than Goldie Hawn.

So now I will be grateful if you all can just stop laughing long enough to point me to the best Plastic Surgeon you know.
Pass me the scalpel dear!

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Malaysia sends Kids off to Deathcamps?

Monkeys see Monkeys do.

I strongly believe one leads by example...NOT that I believe any of Boleh-lala-land's Cabinet Ministers believe in that one.

The day any of our VVVIPS send their kids off to NS (without any special treatment) is the day I will march off my "1st born” Lady and "2nd born" Ted.

I also believe one must use one’s own merchandise to attest to its quality. So if the Rotiman ain’t eating his own roti, I would say “Houston we have a problem here”.


Like, have you heard of the one where the Minister of Education has his kids – no I stand corrected - where ALL cabinet ministers have their kids - educated abroad.

If that’s not telling I dunno what is!

But when I think of the death trap for kids (now also known as the “NS”), I shudder!

No that’s incorrect.

I FREAK OUT!

I wouldn’t mind if my beloved god daughter or any of my nieces and nephews went only as a dose of muhibahism, for some good discipline and training. After all, that would be “character building” (or at least the Nazi in me believes so).

I am NOT a parent and I wonder how parents really feel when their kids are called up to a poorly run, badly administered NS sojourn. But as a parent, aunty, or grandparent, how can I bear to see my kids sent off - perhaps - to an “uncertain” death?


I mean it is not as if they would have sacrificed their life defending the country!

I can not imagine the grief of the parents whose kids have died in the NS.

I don’t even want to go there.

So all I can do is to support the initiatives of bloggers like Zorro Bernard to start a Forum on this “National Service”

Perhaps in bolehlala-land, National Service implies serving up your kids on a platter and sacrificing them up at the altar of incompetence and corruption.

My deepest & most heartfelt condolences go to the families of the 17 kids who died “serving” the “interests” of our country.

Mad Bad Internet Connections!

HURRY UP AND POST, Even if the darn site came back speaking French to me,

The last few weeks have been very “pukima” as the internet provider I use in this country SUCKED to high hell!

I finally found the time and energy (having survived Montezuma’s revenge and I ain’t even in Montezuma land) to march into the office of said internet provider

In my best (or is it worst?) French I demanded to see the manager; who being cowardly sent 2 females to soothe the savage beast.

I was really SHOCKED the moment I entered this huge office that they knew exactly who I was. Seems like I am this persistent china ah soh who’s permanently complaining for the last 2 years over their shocking service, and who had always use the name of a certain VVIP client of theirs to get my way with them.

Ofcourse I would use the name of this “VVIP” – especially since we are on very intimate terms! And don’t forget I am Malaysian, so dropping names’ in my BLOOD.

But the crux of the matter is I get to pay “ADSL” which is supposed to be 536kbps; but it has gotten so F***KED up I am getting 0.97kbps; not even fast enough to open Yahoo Mail!

HECK! At the best of time I am only getting 32kbps – for which I pay a ROYAL bloody sum every month. SPL…..UUURRP..there goes my giro amount to this company without fail.

They asked if it is because I need fast service for working. YES YES YES !!! I am working HARD…to blog and to post inane comments…in fact I miss my regular porn fix! SO what????

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE (WHOM I HAVE TO PAY) WHO DEMANDS TO KNOW WHAT I NEED FAST INTERNET CONNECTION FOR??

So if I am so quiet, it is not as if I sudah mati ok?

NOW if this is MALAYSIA, I woulda immediately claimed I am DATIN something or other. That or say I am a Blogger. You think that would work?

Saturday, 10 May 2008

Gobloking is a member of the richest unemployed in Msia?

Some anonymous fella on rockybru’ site – on which I posted on what I felt about Raja Pet’s arrest on charges of sedition - indirectly “complimented” me of being an amnocybertrooper sent by, none other, than the richest unemployed person from the 4th floor.

I find this really amusing. This set me thinking.

Rare occurrence I admit, but I did have some “spare” time while sitting on the throne for an inordinate amount of time since I was suffering from nearly 1 week of stomach viral flu here.

Now why did this person think I was so “well connected”?

Does anon know me? Was I seen in the company of said rich unemployed person or his entourage? Am I dripping jewellery from ill gotten gains?

AIYOH!! I WISH I WISH!

IF I was so well connected, I swear the ONLY request I would make is to ask for better police patrolling of my neighbourhood so that our streets will be safer and our own home will not be burglarized 3x/year!

So Anon baby, if you know of any way I can worm my charms into the “charmed” circle, please CALL ME! I will be there!

Yes. I did post a comment in reply to people who found certain sites objectionable due to the blogger’s ability to manipulate our opinions, in other words, “incite” us.

I am gonna repeat this here. For those of you who feels
- there should be parental control or guidance on TV / movies /internet.
- people are weak minded and can be so easily influenced

Switch off the TV or change channel
Switch off the computer or block the site
Tear off the page
Burn the paper /book

I also take some not small offence when others who are weak minded believe the rest of us are the same.

I think psychologists refer to this as “Projection” ie because I dislike eating durians, I think the world’s just like me!

Right now my better ½ is still wishing this were true ie his wife should be weak (-minded & otherwise)

He keeps reminding me I looked like some kinda “sarung party” gal when he met me but so far the image has not met up (or is it “down”) to the person.

So this goes to show “Don’t judge a book by its cover”

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Raja Petra ROCKS

That's a Brave Man
That's a Man who - somehow - is Feared by Some
That's a Man who shows us what Nobility really is about

Yes. You can tell.
I am a Romantic Fool for high fangled Ideals.
(or as my Mama would put it "After Eating Rice, so full until don't know what to do?")

Yes. That's Me.

Raja Petra Kamarudin of Malaysia Today was charged under the Sedition Act. He refused to post Bail and asked for his day in Court.

So that got me wondering.

Firstly, what is "Sedition"? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary

Sedition: incitement of resistance to or insurrection against lawful authority

So here is my appeal. Can anyone please show me where it is and what it is RPK has written that has "incited" us to resist / or has called us to "insurrect against" the government?

So I just kept on reading and reading several articles from MT and went to the extent of plucking apart sentences and words from his article on "Send Altantunya's Murderers to Hell" in Malaysia Today

NO SIR. I report I found nothing.


NOTHING in his articles have incited (or excited) me to wrap a bandana around my forehead, put a sarong around my body and brandish my Swiss Army knife to topple the government.

Was I so stupid I could not find anything SEDITIOUS?

I dunno. But I must admit one thing the arrest of RPK has made me do

Now...SUDDENLY... I find myself paying more & closer attention to all the articles written in Malaysia Today.

I pray and wish for the well being of Raja Petra K and I wish I could be there to lend support to his beloved Family.

But you know what? I think you can't be the family of such an Extraordinary Gentleman if you were not Extraordinary yourself!