Friday, 16 May 2008

It's the face, Darling, It's the FACE!

Just taking a break from my usual “bash the p**s" pieces and decided today - I bash MYSELF.

This is the result of (finally) being courageous enough this morning to face my face in the magnifying mirror. (At this point, we will just give my sagging belly, arse, underarms and tiny boobies a miss, ok?)

What do I see?

Facial Check
Blemishes & uneven skin tone? Check!

Worry lines, frown lines, and no-longer fine lines? Check!

Thick Facial hair on upper lip, lower jaw - DANG! The whole damn face? Check

Sagging Jowls? Check!

Liver Spots? Check!

Turkey neck? Check!

Lifestyle Check now

Smoking? Check!

Drinking? NO NO NO! (about the only “vice” I don’t have but maybe I should trade that for smoking?

Exercise? Walking to car and back? CHECK!

Wear sunprotection when out in sun? AHAHHAAAHHAAA!!! STOPPIT!!

As Melinda and my Mummy (the 2 queens of beauty regimes I know) reminds me
“It’s the face darling, it’s the face!”

“Why can’t you spend some money on grooming?”

“You will be sorry you did nothing for yr face one day” (implying my husband may trade up)

I DO try to do something I will have you know. I even walk up to cosmetics counter and you can hear the beauticians thinking aloud, “WAH! Big, BIG sale coming up!” or “WAH! Pass me the scalpel!”

But the truth is: I get intimidated by young beautiful beauticians - especially when I don’t feel like I should have to dress up just to walk up to a cosmetics counter.

I mean how can I expect a beautiful 23 year old to advise me leh? What do they know about “curing” faces which are 150 years old like mine?

OK. I am also cheap. I find it hard to justify paying, like hundreds & hundreds of ringgit for a cure in a tiny bottle I can fit in the palm of my hand. When I pay that much I want a bottle I can SWIM in!

Ok. Short of trying “La Mer”, I have just about tried every bottle of L’Oreal, Nivea, Vaseline hand lotion, SK 2, Dior, Chanel. Even something very organic & expensive from Ozland.

So now I have decided. Instead of spending another ringgit on another bottle of cure, I will do the radical. I will spend gazillions more so I can look more Kate Hudson than Goldie Hawn.

So now I will be grateful if you all can just stop laughing long enough to point me to the best Plastic Surgeon you know.
Pass me the scalpel dear!

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