Monday, 28 December 2009

Of Antares, Friendship & the Rights of the Immediate Family

What a F**ked up world man!
I never thought I would be blogging about the Rights of an Immediate Family but after reading the attacks on the daughters of blogger Antares (Kit Leee) who is critically ill with Malaria by some of his friends, I just feel like screaming "ENOUGH"

I don't know Antares nor his family & friends but I know this.

A story where well meaning friends wants to step in for their ill friend, or wants to be included in decisions for the care of a friend is a story repeated several times a minute in the world everywhere.

Even more when moneys involved. Look at the case of the late Brooke Astor & her son & grandsons & friends.
Unless there is reason to suspect a friend is deliberately being deprived of the best option of the best care, friends should really not step in to intervene.

There are family matters & there ARE family matters. Unless you as the friend is footing the medical bill or is landed with caring for the patient. Even when one does end up caring for someone else who has a family & the family's buggered off, but when the family steps back in, one has to learn to zip it up.

In the end, someone like Antares has a family and they are the only ones who are entitled to an opinion or a briefing from the doctors on the best course of action to treat him.

Whatever the doctors have to say, for sure, his current wife too should be allowed the same access to this briefing, so that she too can have a say in the best course of action for her husband's treatment.

And if she is not worldly nor knowledgeable (as are most of us regular joes) & she wants his friends to help out, then she should have to be physically present to tell the first family of her wishes.

I really don't know what the world is coming to when friends rock up (yes it's a long way to go, yes you are concerned for his well being, yes you have other experienced medical doctors with you) expecting the family to cater to your expectations. Don't you guys think that's a whole lot of expectations?

So what if Antares' kids let you hear the doctor out. Then what? Would you then expect that the family defer to you for an unasked-for opinion?

And What if they don't ask you for your opinion? Then would you be angry you were not accorded any due respect?

Come ON man! In a crisis, whether it's a family or the army, someone has to take over.

The only diff is the leadership style. A leader can unite or rile but when the leader says that's the way it goes, then the followers (who must have given tacit agreement to appoint this leader) has to LET GO & Follow!

On top of this, the family of Antare - according to some accusations - were not there 24/7 when he was in ICU critically ill. SO WHAT?

You can have yr own set of rules for filial piety & others can have theirs too. Who's to say who's right or who's wrong?

I just don't get it. Why do well meaning friends & families impose their own set of expectations on to that of another person or family?

To me, the important thing is NOT the feelings of friends but that of the family & the patient. I am sure all of us wish the patient well to a speedy recovery & that the family NOT be stressed more than they already are.

NOW. That would be being a good friend.


Anonymous said... !

Anonymous said...

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