Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Back fr a Cold & Dreary Place

First of. When I reached the big M age in my life, I was actually looking forward to some of its much taunted side effects. Like HF (Hot Flushes). I am so thin-blooded, when the thermostat hits 25C, I am wearing a cashmere cardi.

What more when the weather hits <10c?>

I've always contended that if God had intended for me to live in a cold country, He would have given me more Hair..the ones on my upper lip not counting. Or a good old free HF.

No such luck. I was dressed like a Yeti; no. NOT quite like an immigrant from Poland, but close. Thank the Lord for my good Solid Wool coat, knee high boots, Geox shoes & Uniqlo. Uniqlo was my best friend there. I bought so much stuff (heatech stuff), the cute Jap boy assistant thought I was from Canada.

But this ain't to say I did not enjoy London. I did, whole heartedly. Only when I could force myself OUT of the house by 11am. I did the whole shebang.

Museum, galleries (good & free), shopping (not that free), sucking in the wonderful cakes from M&S cafe (talk to my butt) & the SHOWS (not at all cheap!).

Yes. Unc stayed back here so I was solo in LDN...with LDN having no idea it had suddenly become a more dangerous place.

And nothing deters a good campy Aunty from jumpin' up & singing loudly at the final song from "Jersey Boys" (story of Frankie Valli & the 4 Seasons - WHO?) with "Sherry Baby" & "Can't take my eyes off you"

If anyone thought I was loud at Jersey Boys, they shoulda seen me at "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" (WHOO??), the costumes (I want them!) & a whole BUS on stage (costing 1mil pounds) & songs like Girls just wanna have fun, Don't leave me that way, Shake yr groove things.

The Brits surrounding me were totally confused at this single ticket, meek-looking "little" (yeah..choke) Asian who suddenly leapt up & started swaying her tush AND SINGING LOUDLY with the cast to "I will Survive"

So. Yeah. Priscilla was my highlight. Beat British Museum. But for Uncle, my coming back was the best thing to happen since sliced bread. He had all his Xmas goodies to eat, and His Queen of F**king Everything (I bought a cup which says exactly this) was here to take care of a busted water tank which has damaged our plaster ceiling.

Monday, 1 November 2010

My Favoritest Cheh2 Ros

oh. I am so exhausted being so beautiful all the time
There isn't a day which passes when I don't see my Hero, my favoritest of all favorite Cheh2s First Lady of Malaysia (forever), Supreme Beauty of All Beauties, Smartest of All Smarts, Intelligentest of the Intelligentsia, Loveliest of All Lovelies, Kindest of the Kindest, Mother of All Malaysians, Patron Saint of All Aunties, Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor.

I see her all the time - as do you. 1st thing in the morning, last thing at night. You can't touch any paper, magazine, news on tv without seeing her vision of loveliness.
Yesterday my Cheh2 had to man the fort for her hubby who's down with chicken (pox that is) at the Deepavali Carnival. To boost the morale of Indians in our community.

I am only wondering here - so don't shoot me. Now, if I were my Indian brothers & sisters, would I prefer the Deputy PM (the last I checked we still have a Deputy PM & Deputy Head of our largest political party) to make that "Don't call indians Pendatang" speech or would I prefer the wife of the PM to make that speech?

Who would be more powerful & more meaningful to make that speech? Actions speak louder than words. I have decided my Cheh2 is more powderful.

And before the Aunty Alzheimer comes over me again, I would like to ask someone this question.

Why is it that everyday, come rain, come Gunung Merapi erupting, Tsunamis, Economic Depression, mass murderers, unlicensed killer drivers, my Cheh2 is always in the media hah?

Did anyone command anyone that my Cheh2 must always be featured?

I am 110% sure it's not my Cheh2 who asked for that. She's NOT that egoistical, vain, or fame-seeking person vicious rumor-mongers make her out to be.

I KNOW she's NOT. She really doesn't need all these unnecessary attention when she's already our very own 1st of the first-est Lady, does she? What? Are you asking if the photos are air-brushed? Eh? My Cheh2 dun need all those cheap tricks, THANK YOU

Anyhoos. I would hate to be the PA of her PA.

I mean. That person would have to spend almost his/her entire life at the desk with a huge pile of The Star, New Straits Times, Tattler, & occasionally the New York Times, holding a pair of scissors cutting out & glueing article after glowing article about my Cheh2 (in lots of different outfits & Hermes, Chanels, Diors & matching jewellery) into scrap books, n'cest pas?

BTW- other bloggers. I will not take kindly to you if you dare to malign my perfect 1st Lady ok?

Sunday, 31 October 2010

I defend Ng Yen Yen!!

" And here I am in my cheong-ju with matching handbag"
I am death warmed over by a killer flu but I just had to come out in defence of our cheh-cheh (big Sister) Minister of Tourism Ng Yen Yen (no need for all her other big titles since we are sistahs, hokay?).

There were some criticisms (from the opposition wouldn't you know it?) over some itty-bitty minor mistakes such as some spelling errors that the PRINTER MADE in the tourism brochures distributed fr May to Oct at our Pavillion at the Shanghai world expo

"I checked the final draft, there were no mistakes. The errors are by the printer in Shanghai."

The ministry had come under fire for distributing millions of brochures with spelling errors such as Taman Nerara (Taman Negara), ctry (city), nulticultural (multicultural), decelopment (development), beautuful (beautiful) and visitous (visitors)

She was not aware of the mistakes until two days ago when two MPs brought this up in the Dewan Rakyat.

"Yes, I agree it is a mistake.

"We will not hire the printer anymore," she said

As long as you know - I have nothing but the deepest respect for Yen2Cheh2, in my limited >20yrs experience - which invariably had something or other to do with the print media, I would just like to point out some little minor details which are:

1. No printer would touch / amend any word from a soft copy. At least not those I have dealt with from Malaysia, Singapore, Sydney, Africa, UK, Germany, California , Hong Kong, Shanghai & Beijing.

2. Prior to printing, a final draft copy must be emailed/presented to the client for a sign-off. Or there again, I could be real wrong.

3. It's called "REJECT" if there were bloopers made by the supplier. As the client, even if you had printed a million copies for me Mistah Printer, I would NEVER accept the finished product. Amend it or don't get paid

4. And really, if this printer can't correct his mistake & deliver, & even if I am out of time, Yen2Cheh2 should know that printing millions of colored copies is no longer limited to a special few printers with special equipment manned by rocket scientists to do the job

With the technology nowadays, even little old ladies can sit there to press a button & the printing will be done.

But like I say, I don't blame Yen2Cheh2.

Who on earth picking up those travel brochures is gonna pick up on those spelling mistakes? After all aren't 90% of the visitors Chinese? What do they know about the English language huh?

Ok. Be picky. Say it's 10% (10% of 700million is only 70 million) of them. WHO cares? After all our predominant richest visitors are from the Middle East. Now. If our Arabic travel brochures were to contain bloopers, THEN we are talkin'!

So please stop pickin' on my Sistah Yen2 huh?

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Why is a con man like Ellie Najeem still running around?

Yesterday I was in an unusual place. Unusual for me.

Chinatown on a rainy Friday is not my thing. But I was bringing some visitors to see the Sri Mariamman temple in Jln Tun HS Lee. As it was raining & I was the designated jaga of shoes, I was outside at about 3-30pm & saw an Iranian man & his family come out. I was just wondering "Why would anyone (the man) be wearing a full suit to visit Chinatown when I am sweating buckets?" when who should pass me by?

2 other persons in full suit. So weird.

Ofcourse I took a good look. Unmistakably so. 1 was Ellie Najeem of Lebanon (clean shaven) with the curly toussled hair & a brand new reddish brown document case. I was so stunned I did not even take a photo although I was holding a mobile phone.

Wasn't this man (known variously & vicariously as "Lord Ellie") arrested for possessing something like Rm66million ringgit of fake notes in Jan this year & for falsely declaring he was donating a BILLION ringgit to charity 2 yrs ago?

So why is he strolling casually in Petaling Street? Towards the general direction of Jalan Bandar (High Street) Police Station?

Malaysia's sense of justice sure beats me flat.

A known foreign con-man with an arrest for funny money just walks our streets a free man. Who also conned a young lady into marrying him (even if she or her parents are greedy & naive, there's no reason to wish ill on them!)

We have a justice system who arrest students for being politically active, people for lighting candles & singing our national anthem, & just about anyone else for saying/ writing / thinking the wrong things...but??

And in case you think foreign spouses have an easy time being allowed to live here..you know you are wrong! For 1, Ellie got a divorce from his Malaysian wife, for 2 he was arrested, for 3 we know he's wonkers..so WHY is he still here?

The mind boggles! I think we need to re-allocate / rotate more immigrations & law-enforcement officers around !

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

I am NOT a Pendatang

First off. I beg to differ with Rockybru's post on Oct 10th Sunday. Rocky says the Chinese should not be too bothered by what politicians spew from their mouths in calling us Pendatangs.

For me, the problem is 2-fold.
1. When the Bosses can talk like this, & we allow them to continue, then everyone will think we are fair game. I read some comments from Rockybru & I have shudders.

2. If the needle does not cucuk you, you won't feel the pain. So until you have experienced the needle Rocky, you have not walked a mile in our shoes.

So I am categorically saying this. I am not a Pendatang.

Although (merely) 2rd generation from 1 side (and even that side was born in Singapore) & 1st generation from the other, this land, its people & culture is the ONLY one I know. I don't know if the number of years spent in Malaysia (Malaya) counts but in case it does, then my family has been here since 1915.

So the only land to whom I pledge my undying & utter allegiance is Malaysia. Warts & all.

My family is now on its 4th (or is it 5th?) generation & they are every bit as Malaysian as any Malay family. I don’t recall – even for a mere second - when I had ever harbored any thoughts or feeling of not wanting to be Malaysian. Not once did I hesitate in refusing citizenship or PRs in more affluent countries.

China? To me, China evokes no feelings. Less than no feeling. China is a foreign country where when I visit, evokes much of the same feeling as when I visit Europe or Australia. Foreign. No tinge of familiarity.

But I admit it. It’s fascinating to see all those wonderful museum pieces & arts & culture of the Chinese & then feeling awkward about how I should feel.

Should I feel proud that some parts of my makeup is from China?
Am I really Chinese when all this Chinese-ness evokes feelings as familiar as that experienced when viewing a beautiful Schloss in Germany?

I only end up feeling embarassed. Embarassed I am so un-Chinese despite looking like one.

But then, I don’t think there would be many Chinese in China who would think nasi lemak for breakfast, curry laksa (with kerang please) for lunch, an assortment of kueh-mueh for tea, & sambal belacan with everything is the best possible meal there is in this world.

And I am not unique. All my friends & family are Malaysians, from the sarong we use at home to the meals we eat to the Malay expressions we sprinkle into our conversation.

So yes.

I do hold GREAT offence if anyone is to throw names like “Pendatang” at non-Malays like me.
Or tell me to balik Cina.
Or say I am raping their country.
Or say I am unpatriotic because of how I look or the faith I hold.

I feel no less Malaysian than the next bloke whose family has been here 100 years.

Just today, a market seller asked me if I am Japanese (I look Japanese for some strange reasons) but I was speaking fluent Malay.

I answered “Bukan”. He then said “Oh. Anda cina ke?”. I again answered “Bukan. Saya orang Malaysian”

Then with a twinkle in his eyes, he said “Ah. Itu lah Satu Malaysia kan?”
Little does he know, he is (to me) far more couth & cultured than someone who don’t know me & would throw the word “Pendatang” at me.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Why I want to be Queen

Dang! I have been busier than a squirrel hoarding nuts for the winter!

Come to think of it, I have been so preoccupied, my eye brows have grown bushier than the tail of a squirrel.

This morn when I looked into the mirror I thought "Hey! I know that person. Ain't that the nice Sikh man who did the Big, Strong & Friendly commercial for Standard Chartered?"

That damn squirrel woulda been envious of my tail. Except it's on my face.

Why the busy-ness? Aunty's been substituting for our neigbourhood "penghulu" as he's laid low for now

And we needed to do an urgent project for "Homeland Security". Nah. Not the Neighbourhood RT (rukun tetangga) Patrol.

More like how to give residents our rights back & at the same time improve Neighbourhood Watch in our family dominated area.

If you see a tired Aunty holding an umbrella with a green bag going door to door? It's me. Don't just pass me by. Pass me an ice lolly & then pass me by please.

But truly. Everything happens for a reason. And it also happens to help us learn lessons in life.

And so, I have to thank this thankless work for intro-ing me to the Good, the Bad & (MAN!) the REALLY ugly!

The Good. Some of the nicest people (title, brains etc) were also the humblest. They even asked politely if they should put their (rightfully earned) title on the petition to further the cause.

And extra brownie points for offering me a glass of water. And a seat. Out of the heat. Heck! For even allowing me to step into their garden is a great thing!

The Bad. Not as teruk as the Ugly but bad enuf. They tell me "After everyone sign then I sign".
"Do you want to sign?"
"OH YES! We should stand united on this. BUT I don't want people to know it's me"
Or "I know its a good thing but if everyone signs then you don't need me, right?"

"But I am standing here now (in the heat feasted on by mossies if I may add), so please sign if you want to so I don't have to come back?"

"Never mind. Just come back. And by the way. Next time can you also make sure the garbage truck don't throw my bin around?"

The Ugly. If you thought the bad were unreasonable & demanding, then the Ugly takes the cake.

Asking (& explaining) for support was like asking them to pay me to take their 1st born away.

My stance is simple. Want? Sign. Thank you.
Don't want? Thank you. You have every right to do as you please.

But when the ugly accuses me of being "unhumanistic, uncharitable & unkind to the downtrodden" - as if they are paying me to abuse me - that really gets to me.

You know this Aunty lah. I am a free thinker. I don't believe good works need come only from one's religious conviction. Good works can come just about from anyone so long as the heart's in the right place.

You see. This here case is a "delicate" case of our mini Homeland Security in the neighbourhood. & we aren't even talking of a guarded community.

It's about showing the boot to an unwelcome "community" project someone plonked down on us. They mean well. A good thing in the wrong place.

All this family residential community could see was a community service which in no way benefits us. Not even an iota.

And people were pianopiano about it too. By operating behind closed gates & giving it an innocuous title such as "church/temple work".

For years. Until it grew so big, it expanded. Then the S hit the proverbial fan.

Yes. You are right. My own hypocrisy took a big time bite back at the bitch. Like doing voluntary work in a deprived place then going back to my own little serene & safe home where I don't have to see anything. At my own time. In someone's else backyard.

But this is not Africa Dorothy.

This is Malaysia. So I don't get it how none of us were given a chance to object before the permits were granted by the relevant authorities.

Even as we blissfully went about our lives asking "Eh. Why is the security here declining ah?" resulting in the furious fortification of our homes...and NOW we know!

I so totally disagree that anyone should lose out on (an already fragile) peace of mind in a busy city.

Let alone be stripped of the right to say "aye" or "nay"
Which is why I have been doing this.

I have now new found respect for rights activists & politicians who goes campaigning.

Because 1 critical thing this whole fiasco's made me realilze. Unless they made me Queen unconditionally, this Aunty's NEVER going to campaign no more!

Sunday, 2 May 2010

Spare the Rod?

Right off the bat. Let me assure you I am not a modern parent.

I strongly feel that parents who give their kids the liberty to decide, who don't supervise their kids & let them roam the nights are not modern. They are stupid.

Leaving the police & maids & teachers or for the law to be enacted to protect kids for them are just stupid parents.

What? Your kid's just too naughty? & you can't control him/her? They climb out of the window to go out?
Install alarms. When the alarm triggers the window grill, you know yr kid's escaping.

And if you are working, you should try applying yr modern mgmt discipline at home too. Tell yr kids what's considered a bad behaviour.

Warn them. Give 3 warnings. After that, they face the music. No Tv. No Net. No Phone, money or Games. Just Books. A spanking now & then reinforces the good behaviour. Or the threat of a spanking is just as good.

I think these days we take modern parenting in a silly & not sensible way. Allowing total freedom & choice to undisciplined kids is like allowing a monkey to go shopping at a supermarket.

Modern parents seems to think spanking & punishing kids shows ppl they are being violent (& therefore non modern). They feel kids should be able to express themselves, so they allow kids to talk back to them.
Talking back is disrespectful. Discussing is intellectual. Got it?
And Screw those ppl who thinks spanking is not being modern.

They are the same ones who don't ask their kids to account for their time & money or where they suddenly get expensive new stuff. And then wonder why their kids get into trouble one day.

I don't get it. How can the modern parent who, having read so much & being much more educated than our forefathers be this dumb at child rearing?

And have you never heard parents asking their 3 yr olds what they want to eat & drink at restaurants? If kids are so smart about nutrition, they don't need adults.

And when they are home, & kids don't eat the other stuff you put before their face without being asked, then why be pissed off?

I may not like the non democratic ways my parents behaved towards me but I appreciated the discipline it brought to me.

Ya. I got asked what I wanted to eat & drink. But ONLY on my birthday. Once a year & don't you forget that.
Ya. I wanted to go dating when I was 16 but I wasn't allowed. Ya. I also wanted to go on a motorbike with this "wild" 17 yr old but I dare not even bring that subject up.

Bored? Without internet, handphone, nintendo or cable TV? We weren't so stupid to mourn to our parents when we were bored.

If you are Sooo...oooo bored ..."Go Study". Or Read. Or Play with yr games. Or play with yr neighbours.

Ahh? Did you say our neighbourhood's much safer than today & friends used to live close by.

Not always. There were still cars & lots of vicious stray dogs too. Perverts also existed as in time immemorial they did. A guy flashed me once. But I knew he was sick & I could run.

And our best friends from school didn't always lived close by.

So our neighbours (from other schools) became our best playmates.
No Hong Guan biscuit tasted so good nor F&N cordial so delicious as the ones we shared with our friends from the hood.

Even though boys were allowed to play on our streets or a nearby field, they were always within eye / ear shot. Our parents & other neighbours were always, all seeing & all hearing. No sounds of the TV or a handphone to distract them.

You got into a fight? Whop! Everyone got their ears tweaked. Regardless who started it. From that one parent who caught them.

But nowadays, parents are way too concerned about others bothering with their kids. As they do not bother with other ppl's kids.

Or they are too busy with their own lives & activities with their right to "relax/time out". Once a week. Hanging out with friends after work. Golf, Facials, & gym weekends. Who's checking their kids' homework? The tutor.

Hello? You want time out? Be childless. Don't bring a kid into the world & make them feel they are intruding on Your Life.

Maybe I had a real boring childhood & boring parents. But I am thankful for parents who didn't ignore their kids & who didn't routinely put the TV on as nanny.

If you want to be modern, then brace yourself for the consequences. And don't blame anyone else but yourself for your "modernity" when your kids go AWOL or who steals because they think morality is uncool.

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Of Dim Sum, Amber Chia & Chua Soi Lek

I love getting together with the ladies! We are a diverse group ranging in age from early 40's to early 80's. And we are such unabashed conversationalists, no subject is considered taboo..especially if we are gossiping about public figures.

Only dear kind Jean protested when many of us voiced our disappointment at the seeming lack of morality in our society where it gets to the point that a serial adulterer (& accidental porn star) becomes an elected leader.

Maybe it's not that Malaysians are immoral but that we are keeping up with the times. A more open society? And it's really mean to talk about someone's private life because everyone's entitled to a private life. Hmmm?

Err...NO Jean! NOT! I had to remind everyone that a public figure ie entertainer, politician, etc is fair game. Yeah. Too bad. BANG! Open target. Even Paris Hilton can't sue that slime ball bf of hers for what he did to her.

Ofcourse I am one of those Aunties who had no qualms about bragging having seen THAT video. I did. So shoot me. 1 of 1 million who did. I'm just another digit.

It didn't help that Gloria goaded me on by begging for a blow-by-blow (no pun intended) account. The only thing that still boggles my mind is how Angel can still remember (in the throes of passion) to take off her knee high boots as she climbed into bed.

Which is why you won't see me in my knee high boots in the bedroom. Too lecheh.

Then we moved on to the marriage of Amber. First off. Everyone thinks it's too much a "coincidental" marriage.
And from a most unlikely source, a lady in our group who's not on the net & not a lady about town piped up, "seems like double boiled soups (or whatever) is still making its way every 6-30am to the top suite of a private hospital for a certain VVVIP daily from Miss AC"

WAH!!
AND karaoke. A Hospital with karaoke?
Wah! So old (70's?), filthy rich & super busy & still ill...STILL got energy to sing karaoke while in hospital?

And why would such a stunner in the prime of her make-hay days marry so soon? Hah? I ask you!
Case of throwing the dogs off the scent. Yeah. We're a coupla old witches. We've seen it all. BRING IT ON!

Next lunch...more people will be shredded to the same fine consistency as our yummy vermicelli wrapped rolls.

Monday, 29 March 2010

Chua Soi Lek is President of MCA

Unless you come from Mars, you would already know that Aunty here is almost the next to last person on this earth to moralize about morality.

For one, I strongly support 2 consenting adults to do what the heck they want to do..so long as.. it's between the both of them.

Yeah. But then Life's a bitch. There's always a qualifier even in immorality.

Sure they can. But..so long as..(in the world according to Aunty)..the 2 consenting adults are singularly in charge of their lives. Ain't no kids, or spouse, or society (if we are spiritual leaders) to answer to.

Yea. Even as we walk through the valley of immorality-no-return, we must surely be vauely aware of who may get hurt by a breach in those who trusts us.

Aiyah. Ofcourse.
We immoralizers (sic) only count any breach in trust as when the other party finds out. Other than that. Nothing counts.

So what does it matter when the Malaysia Chinese Association's only obvious choice (by a landslide) is a man found cheating on his wife of 30+ years for the last 12+ years of their married life? And in live graphics too!

You ask yourself. Does this show that
1. MCA members have a death wish?
2. MCA has a dearth of great leaders?
3. Morality? What morality?

Even if MCA simply does not believe that voters would care that a morally tainted man would lead a major political party, and it is only results which matter, why vote for a man whose sexual exploits must have been viewed by many?

Yes. My mind is infinitely small. I can't look at Chua in the flesh speaking at a rally without seeing him "in the flesh" at his performing best.

OK. One can say the same of Anwar Ibrahim.

With the exception of yours truly - who btw - is not an Anwar supporter - an overwhelming majority of my friends believe Anwar is gay & a sodomiser.

For me, the difference between Chua & Anwar is:

There's no smoking gun in terms of a "live" video of the act(s) for Anwar. What I didn't see, I sure don't believe.

Also. In Anwar's case I still don't understand how Saiful the victim, would obediently strip & come out wearing a towel based on his boss, Anwar's bidding?

A taller, stronger, younger man meely stripping to his jock strap when asked to do so by a shorter, much older, weaker male?

That's why I think something stinks in Denmark.

All the men & women I asked; young, old, strong, fragile said that they would knee the pervert in the groin or grabbed a knife, if that has happened to them. And job be damned!

So how would MCA win over the trust of grassroot leaders & their followers to once again put their trust in Chua?

Or do only results matter, and not morality?

Well. OK. I give you that. To each his own.

And after all. What do I know? After all. Isn't Aunty the Lowest Common Denominator in taste & views?

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Which Galactical system did these aliens come from?

I got wondering about other galactic systems when I read about ..

The fathers who married their 10- & 11-yr old daughters to men aged >39. It shows you that age does not bring wisdom & some men have almost nothing inside their heads & even less inside their pants.

And I am not sure from which planets these men come.

How else then can you explain for fathers like these who would knowingly inflict such harm on their young children or men like these "husbands" who would want young children as their wives?

In my planet we call these men Perverts & Pedophiles.

Also you would think that IF they were indeed from Malaysia they would know that the marriageable age (or age of consent) has always been 16 upwards & NOT 10 upwards.

And yet from another galaxy...
The Economist featured an article on PM Najib's plan to "modernise" UMNO (sic) where bumi rights may be tampered in an attempt to win the hearts & minds of non-Malays.

In this article, a spokeman from Perkasa; a group fighting for malay rights (which is quite an oxymoron) was also quoted as saying that the mission for Perkasa is quite simple. They are merely asking for nothing more than their fair share.

And I thought joining UMNO was the sure fire way of getting "the" fair share?

Dang! There seems to be more aliens from other galaxies visiting Malaysia than I had originally thought.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

And the BARF-ta Awards goes to..

"I am really sorry (x11 or is it...???)"
“But it does not mean that since Datuk Najib is a reserve person, I am making the decisions... I am the type, who will voice out my dissatisfaction, but once said, it is done. I do not harbour feelings,”


Gulp...Be right back. I think I ate some bad Yu Sheng last nite

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Save the Sharks

Our Potential Prime Minister (currently Deputy PM) said this yesterday
“While the caning meted out by civil courts can cause hurt and sometimes even death, caning according to syariah law is light. It is more to educate and remind Muslims to honour and abide by the laws of the religion,” he said after chairing the Cabinet committee on human capital development yesterday

Our Deputy PM said he believed that with better understanding and knowledge of how the process was executed, the matter of women being caned for committing religious offences would not be a “sensational issue.”

Yeah. Yeah. Some of you kindly pointed out that since I am not of the Faith, I should thererfore STF up.

But can still ask right? And y'all know Aunty's IQ level right? 1 hand count still got fingers left over.

So. To my Dear Great Leader DPM
SIR! Some Questions please SIR? If you please SIR!?

How many men has thus far been whipped to serve the same objectives (of educating & reminding)?

Is it true that caning & corporal punishments are the only effective ways to educate & remind the faithful to stay faithful?
Then may I make a small suggestion? Let's make such events public. Make the punishment count ie let it be painful. And let the faces of the unfaithful be seen so as to shame them.

Or we can say, let's make them learn the lesson in a more humane way. Substitute corporal punishment with hard community work.

Aunty here thinks that since we are going down this path, then let's get anyone who makes their faith be seen in a poor light - including traffic offenders, irresponsible parents etc.

If not, where got meaning in punishing the minnows but let the sharks swim free?

Friday, 19 February 2010

Don't Stop the Caning!

Before someone whops my a**se this photo is NOT of our Malaysia caning those 3 women. I think it's supposed to be in Acheh or something.

Anyhoos. There I was taking a blog hiatus due to visitors & then Chinese new year. Seems like nobody noticed I did not hang out the Red Lantern 'cause they & we still indulged.

I only came out to defend the religious police canning the 3 women caught having sex out of wedlock.
Mind you. I have yet to read if they caned the 3 men (they are men I assume?) caught with these 3. Did anyone read if the 3 other partners were punished too?

Now I am 1 for freedom of worship & the rights of religious leaders to mete out punishments because other than that, who the heck is gonna toe the line, huh?

I may not understand why some believe in a Vindictive Compassionate Higher Being who will force mere mortals into believing in Him but there you go. I am no Judge or Moral Compass. As you can tell..n'cest pas?

But Aunty adores moralistic people. Like me, they have the strongest conviction that the flesh is weak, the Devil can be beaten out, & that obviously love & forgiveness has no free will but are feelings which can be forced.

Way to go Bro! Aunty's like you. Just ask Uncle.

Sneaked a look at some gals in jeans. Whop! Cane him.
Took a tipple with the Boys? Whop! Cane him.

Way better to bend him to my will than wait for for some sense to knock his brains.

And while we are on the Moralistic Hi Ground, I would also like to draw the attention of our Finest Religious Police to go out & do more of their Fine Duties.
Don't be afraid Mr RP to make Bigger Examples of Even More Prominent Citizens. That would be more educational & instructive than caning some ikan bilis/anchovies.

In fact since our RPs seems more effective, I would love for them to catch & punish those caught lying, stealing, murdering, plundering, looting
OMG! What am I saying?

We would have no one left standing if that was the case. And then what will we do? Be at the bottom of the list for Most Corrupted Countries? And then where will we be? Just plain old "world class"?

But one thing for sure. The caning of the 3 women & soon another that lady for drinking alcohol? The religious Police did Gooo...oood.

In this my Kak Rosmah joins me in congratulating our Fine Religious police & Syariah court. May our Men be Shaking in their Sarongs!!

Friday, 5 February 2010

MOVE ON Lah!

I read with amusement in The Malaysiainsider comments on the piece where Nasir apologised for his uncalled for remarks at a 1Malaysia seminar.

Which makes me wonder if N knew he was at a 1Malaysia gathering but mistook it for an Only1forMalaysia seminar?)

In any event none of the commentators seemed to accept his apologies. 1 of the comments making me chuckle is the one who wrote "Sorry? Sorry then balai polis no need open already lor"

I think the commentator is saying that if criminals knew that all they had to do was to apologise for commiting their crimes & they will then be let go free, then there's really no need for any police stations. Good point.

However I also read with amazement a VERY prominent blogger (origins Malacca) asking us to "MOVE ON ALREADY!" since Nasir has already resigned & apologised.

I don't know about you lot but I think this blogger needs to be born of, & raised up in the wrong skin to understand why it is difficult to move on.

Nobody can tell me to move on who has not walked the literary mile in my shoes. NO ONE.

It's like telling a Cancer victim, "Eat. You need your strength". Easy enough for you to say that Bru. Have you personally survived Cancer because you ate up?

No. I do not get any overt racism to my face. NEVER. People in Malaysia are genuinely warm & friendly. When you smile to an ordinary citizen here, you get 10 smiles back.

The insidious racism is just in my face daily, & as some of us know, it wasn't a week or a month. But at least a whole generation of it (if 30 yrs makes a generation).

No. I have never questioned the wisdom of our government because I guess, like a nice MAS advert for the famous service of their stewards, Malaysians are brought up to be "gracious"; which means, we move on. In silence. No matter what has happened. Be Stoic my friend. Stoic.

And so we grew up learning how to crack open a little panel in the basement window whenever a door closes (slam is more like it) in our face.

What punishment do I wish for Nasir?

That he be stripped of his Bumiputra status & be designated the races he had thoughtlessly affronted.YEAH...THAT my Friend, would be COOL!

Thursday, 4 February 2010

"Never question the citizenship of Non-Malays"

Commented Dr M in response to the remarks made by Datuk Nasir Safar, a special officer to the PM who either implied, said outright or is heard to have said something about Indians, beggars, Chinese & sex, and the right to take away citizenship.

Dr M also said "It is a very bad statement to make. Even if it is true, we don't say things like that. They are in fact, the children of the people who came here. They have not just arrived". Thank you Che Det. I would like to add that people like me are born of Malayans. So at the very least that makes me 2rd generation. (We are now on to our 4th generation born here).

My question is: In the context of "Even if it is true, we don't say that".

To what Is the good Dr M referring?
The rights of non Malays to citizenship or the part about Indians, beggars, Chinese & sex?

Ofcourse we know how journalists do misquote or can misunderstand as to what is being said.

But this is reported in the Star (and we all know what the Star's like) although ST did not mention anything. We also know that the command of Dr M's English is very strong. So could he have made a mistake? Hmmm?

But if nobody will set the records straight, I will make a go at explaining "even if it is true, we don't say that".

A really short note on "Even if it is true, we don't say it" on begging & sex.
How many stories involving begging, sex & scandals do we hear here? And the majority of those perpetrators (or in Mal-Lish) "do-er" & "do-ee" are?

A little longer note on "Even if it is true, we don't say it" on Citizenship
Every Malaysian should have the right to feel safe & secure that this is our land. Yes. This land belongs to EVERYONE. Not just the Nasir Safars of the world.

In other countries citizens are concerned about the rights they have. Here non-malay citizens have no time for such concerns.

Here, we are just Happy not to be reminded constantly that our citizenship is courtesy of the kindness of this country; which at every turn, at the smallest sign of misbehaviour (real or perceived) is threatened.

In essence non-Malays are brought up to think we have no rights. Unless we toe the line, & shut up, we will eat dirt.

So do we blame those who are treated like this for feeling that they are merely refugees? And what do people with refugee mentality do?

The thinking goes, "If I am not accepted as 1 of you, why is there a need to do much except squat on the land for now?" Yeah. Squat. Squat as in occupy temporarily, & Squat as in Do squat all for the country.

I have heard how often parents wish for their children to study abroad & STAY abroad because at least they won't be threatened permanently with "Balik ke-Cina" or whatever. AND in another country, chances are they will be judged on the basis of their skills & not by the color of their skin.
That at least is the belief. I however think that racism is practised everywhere..but less overt, much more subtly.

Well. I am not one non-Malay to squat & do nothing. I am feeling a tad self indulgent & extra Aunty today.

So I will boost the economy by making a hit on Village Park Nasi Lemak & Goreng Ayam.
NOW. THAT is 1 Malaysia. Chinese woman married to Malay man with a really successful business because they give off their best!

Friday, 29 January 2010

A smaller bone for all

Oohh..don't I look so sorry with such a tiny fake bone? Yeah. That's how I feel after talking with Uncle. Today's 1 of those days when his Uncle-ness & I talk deep deep. Today as a treat to him after he's planted like 30 patches of grass like a maniac in our Botak garden, I let him talk. So he's decided we should talk about Stuff I generally don't like talking about.

No. Wipe that grin off your face. It's nothing to do with any bodily functions. It's about the Economy.

Yes. It's kinda tough for an Aunty-Aunty type like me to talk to someone whose Maths, & Economics is far superior to mine. On top of that, he's Piled Higher & Deeper in that area.

Although he can be rather dry & factual, it is interesting to hear his thoughts. We normally hear MY thoughts because I am vocal & verbal (how did you guess?) but even Aunty here knows that occasionally one should let the other part speak up too.

We were on the subject of the prices of cars (supposed to drop soon) & the prices of fuel (supposed to increase even sooner) while we were chomping into our cold delicious water melon tonight.

So. If the price of cars are set to go down, then sales should increase, ja?
Cheaper car? For the price of my Myvi, I can finally get a Honda Accord? YES! Fist pumpin' the Air. Ya.

Right says he. If the price of fuel were to go up, then fewer would buy cars, right? That would be better for the environment & its about time Malaysians buy fuel at non subsidised prices.

Eh...NO. It's not that we want to use fuel, it's that we NEED to use the fuel. I had to enlighthen his Unc-ness (who is quite new to this corner of our world) that unlike other parts of the world, here even the poorer of us in the middle, or lower middle class (which should account for 70% of the population) must have some sort of personal transportation in order to EARN A LIVING.

Why?

Obvious lah!

How often do you see public buses plying the burbs? In the burbs, it's far easier to spot cows jumping over the moon than it is to spot a bus. And ofcourse as we are all aware, the poorer one is, the further in the burbs one lives. WALK? In this heat? With the killer traffic & killer drivers?

I just dread that with the costs of fuel increasing, then everything else will also increase - as we have witnessed in the last round 2 years ago.

And there is also the GST (or VAT) to be imposed on the people. Wow.

Let's work how how much someone with a non-working wife & 2 kids plus 1 aging parent, 1 car & a mortgage must earn in order to sustain (key word is Sustain) a life in the burbs, says he. Out came the back of an old envelope & a pen. Here's our estimation

Monthly Fixed Costs
Mortgage: Rgt400
Annnualized Costs associated with home ownership eg insurance, land tax, assessment: Rgt 30
Car instalment : Rgt300
Electricity, phone: 60 (I assume no air conditioning)
School bus: Rgt 80 (assuming a dim witted saint who's willing to take the kids for that price)
Sub Total 1 : Rgt 840 (without putting a grain of rice into the mouth yet)

Now let's be stupid & assume this family has to eat for whatever strange reasons. I am assuming that they will never ever get sick. Like NEVER!

Food: Rgt300 (I want to shake the hands of whoever it is who's able to feed a family of 5 with that amount for a month!)
Daddy's Pocket Money (I am guessing he's also got to eat lunch some times): Rgt100
Fuel for his car: Rgt150
Sub Total 2: Rgt 550
Total: Rgt 1,390

Clothes? Medical costs? Pocket money for the family? Savings? A Maid to help out so that the wife can work? Are you kidding me? Like someone said. No time to get sick. Only time to die.
This shows that the average income a family person must earn can be no less than Rgt 2,000 per month. After his tax, his pension deduction, that would be about right. Ofcourse if you are a graduate that's not a problem after a few years of working.

I know someone who's tutoring at a local university. With a foreign degree, a dynamic personality, & a few years of working experience, he's now earning Rgt3000 a month. But this is because he's jumping through hoops to get that money, including working in another town for 4 days a week.

So how many people have a job these days?
How many people have a good job these days?
How many are not afraid of rising costs these days?
How many are feeling secure that they would never lose their job these days?

You know. I really REALLY TRULY DEEPLY Care that we will become a High Income Economy soon. But I see the realities too. You don't? When was the last time a competent Sales person served you?

MAN! In my Auntyfied opinion we are far & away from being a HIE any time soon, let alone in the twinkling of an eye of a 10 yr period.

What are you looking at me for? I wasn't the one promising you a Hi-income was I?
All I can promise you is: don't get too excited about the Ang Pow you are getting from this Aunty any time soon!

Psst. I wanted to add this postscript for those Morons vandalizing places of worship in the hope of stirring shit? Aunty would like to bless you with this: May you be infested with the fleas of a Thousand Camels Tonight!

Monday, 25 January 2010

Don't rock the boat?

I am quite sea worthy I think. Which may account for why I rock the boat occasionally. No. I really don't throw up..so far.

However in the past week, it would seem I have rocked the boat a little too hard. Or so some concerned friends tell me. "Aren't you being a little too "bold" in your blogging?" "Don't blog about any Sultans" "Be careful you don't say anything about...."

I don't think I am bold or disrespectful. I happen to like some of our Sultans...as I like that lovely Kim Hyun Jung in "Boys over Flowers". And when I blog, I am only giving myself some space to vent & to think aloud. Surely one is still permitted to think aloud? Even here, right?

And aren't there people who think like I do?

If not, who & why the heckness are those people reading my inane & insane blog pieces?

I truly don't believe I am the lone crackpot in a China shop. It's just that the silent majority is truly silent because they feel they lack the gift of the gab, the pen, or...is it just for "safety" they don't speak up?

And you know why we don't speak up, don't you?

Because we are nice, quiet, non-shit-stirring minorities. Because our mamas & our papas tell us "Don't rock the boat baby".

But why should we just continue to take the leftovers, the crumbs, the tip toeing all the time despite contributing to our nation building, our economy, our vibrant diversity of cultures?

Because we should "be grateful" we were given citizenship? Despite some of our families having lived here for well nigh over 100yrs? Oh come ON!

And if I am not going to speak up for myself, just who's going to speak up for me?

MCA? Err...and what have they done for me recently..or even...years ago?.
DAP? You mean the House of Lims?
PKR? I do like a few of them but I still can't trust Anwar Ibrahim.

Until I read Malaysia Today's article:

Read it.
This article highlighted the use of the word "tolerate" in conjunction with religion. Well! It sure helps to know I am not the only loco person out here objecting to this word.

And while I'm on a roll about words I dislike. 2 other words when its coupled to the word "Muslim" I abhor is "Moderate" & "Fanatic". Seems like there are no Moderate or fanatical Christians or Moderate & fanantical Buddhists but there are Moderate & fanatical Muslims?

What? I'm rocking the boat again? Then don't climb on aboard with me!

Friday, 22 January 2010

Aunty speaking Fluent French

I suspected I was linguistically talented but I didn't know I was so fluent in French.
When I picked up the news that now 2 prayer rooms have been attacked by arsonists in Muar, Johore, I became so fluent in French, any hardened Fishermen in Marseilles would have allowed me to join them on board with no problem.

You know how Aunty gets such a Clear Mind after er.. detoxifying in the morning?
Well. This is my post-Detox assessment on the situation.

Is this some sort of organized attack? Yes. Organized in a "guerilla warfare" way.

Are there lots of people behind this? No. Lots of people are smart. Lots of people want Peace. Lots of people will mean loose mouths to unearth these Guerillas / Gorillas.

Yes. Guerilla warfare tactics are brutal. Quick. Agile. Bite. Then Move. That's how it works.

I don't believe the desired result of our Gorillas here is to get anyone physically hurt. Ofcourse their objective is more to divide brothers against brothers, sisters against sisters. Imagine this. Muslims against Muslims. Christians against Muslims. Christians against Christians. And why not some random Buddhists thrown in? The answer is in History my friend. Read any thing on Buddhists rising up in war recently?

So when the attacks on the Churches, the Sikh Temple & a Mosque did not yield the desired result? Another round of "action" was necessary.

Would I be surprised if there would be other attacks on places of religious worship?

No. I just pray nobody are congregated in these places.

It can be seen that, so far nobody has been harmed in these attacks. So can it be that they are some sort of warped religious group who feels immoral to harm a life but yet does not feel immoral if they indirectly cause More harm; or if someone else did their killing for them caused by their tactics?

I don't put too much faith in the Police to put an end to this any time too soon. And I hardly blame them. After all who has enough tentacles to get to guerillas, let alone to pin down the Masterminds? And what if the MMs are big-time Politicians?

But this I do put Faith in.
That we as ONE MALAYSIAN, ONE RACE, ONE NATION will join Hands in Saying "NO!!!" to anyone trying to break our hands from linking with each other. As we have done for many years.

BTW. Join "Saya Anak Bangsa Malaysia" Forum this Sat 23 Jan at Chinese Assembly Hall. See this website

Thursday, 21 January 2010

"Praise the Lord!"

I'm not getting religious on you but I received this email & dunno how true it is. If it is, seems like the congregation at Metro Tabernacle Church (MTC) has every reason to Praise the Lord Indeed!

Here goes!

1) The night before the church was burned their Pastor was at the church past 11pm because he wanted to check his emails. He is a very hardworking person and has a habit of wanting to complete his work as much as possible. But he is also very sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

When he got to the church premise and was about to swipe the card to open the door, he had a terrible stomachache that he had never had before. He knew that the Lord was telling him to go back home and he obeyed and left the church premise.

It was past midnight that the church was torched. If he had not obeyed he would have been burned alive and would not be able to live to tell this wonderful testimony.. God still has work for him to do on earth. His time was not up yet.

2) MTC had trouble moving to the new premises in Batu Caves . They had been waiting for approval from the Local Authorities and is still pending.

Then they were facing financial difficulties as they needed to buy new furniture for the new premise. They had been raising funds on their own to relocate to Batu Caves but had been “stuck” due to approval permits and raising more $ to buy new furniture and equipment.

So when the church was burned it was all the old stuff that they had been wanting to get rid off! And our Govt compensated them RM500K and CIMB and many other donations started to pour in. From an adversity it turned into a blessing!

3) C, a member of MTC has been rejoicing in the office and shared with our Boss the story above. Today at our Management meeting, the Boss said "I have never seen anyone so full of joy when the church got burned down but instead she said it was a blessing."

4) C said the church leaders and members shook hands with Najib and they released forgiveness for whatever that has happened in the past.

C said Najib felt very welcomed at the church. Hishamuddin commented that during his visit he has never seen so many smiling faces when their church had just been burned down.

5) MTC had requested for the Batu Caves new church premise to be turned into a place of worship and not a commercial zone.

The Selangor Govt is looking into it and the MB, Khalid gave his assurance that he will look into it personally.
A Note to some of you Dufus wondering what's the big deal in having a Church being built instead of whatever it is Christians are using at this time
It has been years & years & years since that permits for building places of worship (like churches) are denied the permit. Christians have been resorting to using shops or commercial buildings for their worship.
6) A few years ago a visiting speaker from overseas prophesied that the MTC would be in international news. At that time the congregation thought that their Pastor would be traveling around the world to preach as he was already doing that but she said now they understood what the speaker said.

7) It was good to see many church leaders of other denominations coming together at the MTC worship service over the last few days, united and praying together.

End of Story.
And to some of you smart alecks out there. Please don't go around burnin' your old stuff & claiming it was a religious attack just because you need new furniture !

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Queasy Feeling's still there

My feeling of unease does not seem to know that I have commanded a cut off date for it to GO AWAY. I had thought that come 15th of Jan I would no longer have butterflies in my stomach, anticipating in dread for something to happen.

This is the same feeling of dread I have been having daily since early Dec. Well folks. That feeling not only has not gone away, it has gone even WORST today. And I have not eaten a bad curry either.

However for right now, I just want to get this OFF my Chest!

To ALL the MORONS who had been attacking the Mosque in Sarawak, the Churches & the Sikh Temple - Please GET THE F*** OUT of our Country.

Maybe there are places like a deserted island where you can blow yourself up but have you ever considered that in what you do, Innocent People may well get hurt ? Yeah you Dickhead. Your father, mother, spouse, children, siblings - the whole flipping platoon man!

YOU may not have good friends & close family here but I do! So if you desperately want to throw some rocks & molotov - Please just GET THE Fudge OUT of MY MALAYSIA!

Now Robert ever the pragmatic Realist - who doesn't like to mince words has only this to say "The shits' just gonna pile higher & deeper from here"

Prophetic.

It would seem that this A word problem is not a little problem which will go away, not even in Sabah & Sarawak, no matter what Nazri has said on behalf of the government.

So what happens now?

The only thing that can happen now is for the Church to give up. After all, a Rose is still a Rose by any other name...after all surely the majority religion gets to dictate what they want?

Which reminds me. Since Jakim would like to get into the action. How about fighting for some other stuff. Like changing the day of rest from Sunday to Friday? We should follow East Coast of Malaysia on that one.

Then. What about the money we use?

Why not a kosher currency - to be handled only by kosher people?

What happens when one goes abroad & have to handle all those non-kosher foreign currencies? Yeah. Those pesky foreign countries too should follow suit.

And make it mandatory for females to cover up. I think that's a good move. After all, even France seems to be giving in on that one. And no more Astro beaming in all those morally corrupt series, movies & news.

Ooohhh! I like this one. We should only admit people into Malaysia who has consumed Hallal food in the past 48 hours. The air would be purer.

I did say this once in jest to Wanna my friend from the South of Thailand that maybe there should be an exchange program given all the trouble in the South. Muslims from Thailand's South should move South to Malaysia, & Non - Muslims from Malaysia can move to the South of Thailand. After all the weather, & coconut trees' about the same whether it's here or there.

I can survive Madagascar's troubles because that was NOT my country. Not that this is Malaysia, my beloved country, it seems like a whole new ball game to my stomach.

3 little numbers

Maz was my "member" way back when we had pigtails, & swam in the same public pool unself conscious of our bodies & the opposite sex, sewed patches on our jeans because it was groovy, & thought that boys may not be such dumb animals after all. The 3rd member is Eileen.

There we were. The microcosm of 1 Malaysia - not that we knew we were a microcosm or a politically correct entity. The Muslim, the Christian & the Confused Christian/Taoist.

"Tolerate" was a word we used on someone we thought was particularly distasteful like "Adoi! She's so mean. Just Tolerate her lah!" but never on our religion or race (whatsdat?).

Fast forward 35 yrs, & we are all same-same but different-different, as the Thais would put it. Some fat (sic), some lines, 2 Muslims, one undecided.

Yesterday I called Maz up to order a few of her delicious carrot cakes for the coming New Year.

Ofcourse we chatted & gossiped. After all, who can resist a nice yarn with an old friend?

Then I asked her what she thought of the "A" issue.
"Don't know & don't care about idiots! I don't even read about it anymore."

I told her about the report on Malaysia Insider about the sermons on Friday's mosques in Selangor asking Muslims to be united against non-Muslims using the "A" word.

Maz gave me more words of comfort & displayed more sense than our esteemed gomen did.
"Allah! I don't know why this is an issue now.

For so long this was never an issue. We all respected each other's religion & it's not like Muslims can become unMuslim because someone is using the same word when praying to their own God.

People have nothing better to do issit?. Is someone paying these gangsters to vandalize people's property?"

If at this point you are picturing Maz as someone radical & not necessarily religious?. Yes she wears jeans. Yes she leaves her head uncovered. But don't you mess with Maz's prayer times. Or her Morals & Ethics. Or her Carrot Cake.

And is this how her Muslim friends think?
"Eh. What do you mean Muslim or not Muslim? My friends can believe in the little green men lah! And my friends are not that bodoh lah!!"

You can almost hear the wink-wink in her voice. I love you Maz. The voice of Sanity, Humor & Friendship.